Why I just love my friends

Everyone has their own quirks that make them unique in certain ways and other things that lump them into social circles. I have truly been blessed for the most part in the friend department. I am really bad at ending any relationships on my own so I am happy that those that don't deserve my friendship have pretty much weeded themselves out of my life. The friends I have now are amazing in so many ways, there is no way I could name them all. But here is what I look for in my friends and have found in them.
      Honesty is my number one thing. Whenever I know someone has lied to me, even about little things I just don't want to be around them anymore. Like if you haven't left your house yet when we have plans then don't text me you are on your way. I am a very understanding person so there really is never a reason to lie to me. Even when I am mad about something I am the type who will listen to your side and try to talk it out.
     Nonjudgmental is my number two! I had a "friend" who I hung out with for years but any time I did something that wasn't "her way" she would get pissed at me and act so childish. Refusing to answer my calls, texts, or facebook but then she would text me like page after page of chewing me out cause she didn't think I should have done something the way I did. She was always on my ass about something so to avoid hearing the same gripes about what I need to change about myself I felt I had to break my number one rule and lie a little to get her off my back. When she ended our friendship out of the blue I was really hurt for a while and even still I have teared up while reading her "dear john" email she sent me cause she couldn't even be  bothered to tell me personally that she didn't want to see or hear from me again after hanging out for seven years. But once the hurt subsided I realized I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, her constantly watching my every move and questioning me on my finances even though it wasn't like she ever helped me with bills or anything I always believed that is not the place of a friend. A friend should be there for you and accept the totality of what makes you, you. Still it's a hard concept for too many people.
     Next is having your own opinions! Of course when looking for a friend you want to have some things in common with the person, but that doesn't mean it has to be everything! I have met some people in the past that you can just tell they really, really want to be your friend for some reason. Whether they think you are so cool, nice, pretty, can help them out in some way, or just really lonely. I call those people "yes men" cause it doesn't matter what you are saying they are gonna agree with you. Most of your conversations go like me: blah blah blah    Them: Really?! Me too!! and in your mind you are thinking there is no way this person has done and thought the same exact thing as me this many times. Why are they sucking up to me? I am not all that. But on the same note when my friends do have a different opinion from mine they can back up their reasons for why they think that way. Whether it be personal history, actual links to sites where they had read up on whatever, or maybe just something their family has taught them so it's just accepted that way. And they present themselves in a way that can be taken seriously but doesn't put down a person that doesn't believe the same way. I just love that!
     Also, you gotta have an interesting personality! Something about you just has to pop! Are you really into movies, like me? That's my thing, I used to have an extensive movie collection and love certain actors and finding B movies that are awesome but didn't get the recognition it deserved and then having every friend who hangs out watch it with me. You could be into books, comics, history, tattoos, piercings, vintage and pin up stuff, weird and sick stuff online, or whatever.. I really am not picky as long as you are not a bore.
     Finally, you have to be intelligent and compassionate. I have helped and fed the homeless I have met at gas stations or walmart. I have given away clothes and toys without expecting anything in return. I love animals and the dogs I have had were rescues. If you need someone to help with something and I can then I will, I won't say I am busy when I am not, I won't ignore phone calls or texts of someone asking if they can talk to me, and if I have money to loan then I won't give a second thought to handing it over to someone in need. For the intelligent part, all those stupid pass it on things on facebook, I actually google whatever it is first most times and make sure it's not fraud before I will pass anything on to my fb friends. Missing children and pets sure if it looks recent and legit. All those "warnings" like tell all women you know about this new thing people are doing to do whatever to them.. all and I mean ALL of those I have found to be nothing more than old urban legends that get passed around as a true story every couple of years. The owners of Facebook have come out numerous times saying that all those pics asking you to like or share so whoever will have money donated to them thru facebook is false! The owners have come out and said that they will never use fb to do donations for anyone. The people who start those are stealing pictures of others without permission and then asking you to like or share cause you can get paid by facebook if you have a public run site if you get so many likes and shares then different companies can pay you to advertise on your page. So there ya go!

You Know You Are A Parent of A Toddler When..

* Hearing your ABC's and counting gets you excited.
* You have learned not to just hold out your hand when you are asked to hold something but ask more than once, What is it? and Why do I need to hold it?
* You know more about Nick Jr. cartoons than what is going on in the real world.
* When shopping for a movie you go straight to the cartoon area first.
* Your snacks are now in shapes and colors.
* Your guest blanket is SpongeBob or Dora.
* You collect the Pixar cartoons just so when the kids want to watch a movie together there is something you can both enjoy. (Thank you Pixar for all your hidden adult jokes!)
* You have more sippy cups than regular ones.
* You have learned to block out annoying noises and may not even realize you are doing it.
* You have an area in your home with boxes full of clothes labeled, last year or next year with seasons.
*  You have kids songs mixed in on your playlists.
* You have fruit flavored tooth paste in your cabinet.
* You have had a guest sleep on a toddler bed or bed that is only a couple inches from the floor.
* It now takes twice as long to get ready to go anywhere public and as you grab things you will need to bring with you, you occasionally throw a toy in there.
* When doing laundry you also check to see if any stuffed animals need a bath.
* Your vacuum cleaner contains more crumbs that dirt or hair.
* You clean your home by picking which room is the messiest first and by the time you are done cleaning you need to start all over.
* Only you know which baskets or piles of clothes are clean or dirty.
* Your kids are better dressed than you are.
* You leave your bathroom door open when showering or going potty. (You now also call it "going potty.")
* You will wait until you really need to bathe before hopping into a quick shower.
* You judge your time getting ready with does it need to be spent cleaning your self or make up today?
* You use the kids meal times to return phone calls or emails so there will be less disruptions.
* Your living room has a toy box or play area in it.
* You mute or spell your own cuss words.
* You keep your nails trimmed down to a length that can't harm people.
* You have gone a period of time without noticing a stain on your clothes, food on you, or even poop!
* You have asked multiple times, "Where did your pants go?!?"
* Two words, BABY WIPES!
* Before putting a dvd in the player you check it for finger prints, scratches and sticky spots.
* Your electronics life expectancies have gone down by half.
                And
* You consider it a WIN for the day when you can go to bed early!

The Shades of Grey in Parenting.

     There are so many "shades of grey" when you are a parent, especially if you have children that are the opposite sex of which you grew up watching your own parents raise. No one can fully prepare you for what you face when raising little people. Besides all the normal stuff of just keeping them alive and healthy there are always little things that just happen, and you have to guess what the right course of action is and you will most likely not have any extra time to post, text, or call anyone and ask their opinions on what they think you should do. My kids father and I had several things we didn't agree on when it came to raising our own, there were also things we agreed on fully. We decided we hated it when people "baby talk" babies. It really doesn't do anything for the child either. We agreed also that we were not going to over censor what they watched on tv. As in we didn't gauge our movies by the rating but more in how our son reacted to the movie or our own issues with a kid watching it. They can watch scary movies as long as it doesn't scare them, they can watch the "super hero, comic type" movies that are rated for over 13 yr olds as long as they don't repeat any adult language and they get grounded from them if they are caught doing the fighting moves with anyone else. They also have their own collection of Nick Jr. dvds, Elmo, and all the other little kiddie stuff too, which is what they mostly watch now and just on occasion watch the others.
      Besides movies you have to decide mostly by your child's age on how much you tell them when they ask those normal questions all children will ask at some point. What route do you take? How graphic or fairy tale are your answers? I decided to just go with the truth, my almost 6 year old asks a question and I give him the best and shortest answer that comes to mind. The thing though is that he remembers everything! He couldn't hear right for the first 3 1/2 years of his life so about half of his short life. With what his Dr. said he was hearing like he was under water so his speaking didn't sound like english words but half words and half babble speak. Besides his dad and I, my mom could understand the most of what he was trying to say. I was never one of those parents though that pretend they always knew what their child was saying to them when not actually using words, another thing that bugs me. haha
     So anyway, the other day we walked to our little corner store and the man behind us in line was holding a case of beer. I personally have only had two drinks of alcohol at home since he has been born and both times was when he was asleep so he really has no concept of alcohol. He asks the man behind us what he was holding and the man told him beer. He instantly replies, "Ohh that means you are going to get drunk!" I gave my little embarrassed laugh and the guy asks me after he stops laughing himself, "Where did he hear that?" I told him, well, he asks me a lot of questions and I always tell him the truth. And he remembers E-V-E-R-Y-thing! So on our way home I reminded my boy that even though Mommy always tell you the truth about everything that you ask it doesn't mean that you should repeat those things to others. A lot of people  don't tell their kids these things and think that kids really shouldn't know that stuff yet. But he's my son and I just love everything about his little smart self so I am not holding my breath on what he says to family or strangers next.

10 Things we aren't supposed to notice in movies but I always do..

1. Food disappearing/reappearing from shot to shot.

2. Dinner scenes of multiple people not eating anything from full plates.

3. All windows being rolled down in car scenes even when it's supposed to be freezing outside.

4. Wardrobes not being weather appropriate. "Where is your coat, numbnuts?"

5. Smokers whose cigarettes mysteriously grow longer.

6. Disheveled after sex scene clothing and hair magically fixed.

7. Along those same lines, dirty, messy, or soaking wet actors also getting clean or dry as soon as camera pans away and then back to them.

8. Movies with "magic" scenes that show strings or other movie magic fails.

9. Time lapse fails that are obvious, example: In "Scot Pilgrim Vs. the World" when the girl has blue dyed hair and it goes from dark blue to really faded blue to dark blue again. 

10. Scenes with supposed to be hard props, like ice/icicles, knives, swords and you see it bend like rubber or waves with a breeze or a small amount of weight. lol

Bar drinking Tips from your friendly Bartender!

1. Normal amount of liquor in OKC strip clubs that have the attractive dancers are around 1 oz. In regular OK bars it averages around 1 1/2 oz and the average for everywhere else is around 2 oz. 
2. Alcohol dehydrates you, so yes, while water is important to put back into your body if you do it while drunk or hungover you are rehydrating the alcohol still in your system, so making it more likely to get the spins and puking.
3. A cold soda will actually help make your head feel less intoxicated than coffee or water. The carbonation gets you burping out the alcohol and really will make your head feel more clear.
4. No matter what you drink or eat when being drunk nothing but time actually makes you sober. 
5. If you chill your liquor  by shaking with ice, your cup will need a little more room than before to go back into your glass. 
6. You can freeze fruits like grapes, strawberries, and orange pieces to use as ice to keep your drinks cold and not get watered down.
7. Tipping per round instead of waiting at the end, especially when paying with cash is a good way to ensure you are checked on more frequently by your server which is a helpful hint when at a crowded bar. 
8. It is not only against most club rules but is also illegal to take photos inside a strip club, even if you are just trying to take pictures of your buddies. You need to remember and be respectful that not all or probably even half of dancers tell their friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, or family members that stripping is how they pay their bills. Most will tell others they are waitresses or bartenders.
9. Strippers are not made to wear "pasties" to just "cover" their nipples. This is enforced legally in most areas because women's nipples can excrete a clear fluid so the pores must be sealed to keep any "passing of bodily fluids" between patrons and dancers, which is illegal. Just like a dancer can get a prostitution charge in Oklahoma for removing their shoes when on their shift.
10. Finally, bartenders, especially ones without a free pour system are taught to crush and cram ice into the glasses so when they pour liquor first it is the part that has less room in the cup thereby filling the cup more and using less juices or soda as the filler. It's not done to be mean or to try to gyp the customer out of a full drink. It also explains why a lot of times your alcohol will all be sitting in the bottom of your glass. Just like a bartender who cuts off someone who is noticeably drunk they could be held accountable if that person goes out and gets into a wreck drunk driving and be fined a very hefty amount like up to $500 dollars in the places I worked and could also lose their liquor license which would cost them their lively hood, not just trying to damper your good time. 
                     Remembering whatever tips fits for your drinking style may just help you have a better time out next time you go out drinking. Have fun just don't forget the people waiting on you are at work, so treat them as you would like to be treated while at your place of business. ;)

So Merry Fat Santa isn't real but...

Okay so the Merry Fat Man known as Santa Claus was invented by Coca Cola in the early 1930s. But to say that means that the man behind it is imaginary and never existed is false! With knowing the true story you can still celebrate his spirit that lives on which is what we did after being too old to believe in Santa Claus. St. Nicholas was a 4th Century Greek Christian Bishop. He was known for giving gifts to the poor, most importantly saving 3 poor girls from going on to having to sell themselves as adults. Traditionally this started in the Netherlands, Belgium, Austria and Germany. The actual day was originally celebrated on the 6th of December which was the day he was given his name. The date was later changed to Dec. 24-25th because Christians wanted to move children away from Saints and towards Christ. In Germany when my mom was a girl they placed their shoes outside their door on Christmas Eve to have them filled with candy rather than the stockings on the fireplace. The Santa Claus of today was taken from several places and put together as one. Odin of the Norse religion is the real Father Christmas, wearing a long white beard, who rode thru the sky with his eight footed steed during Yule visiting his people with gifts. I learned the second part many years later in adulthood but as children when we got to old to believe in this magical Santa who mysteriously got into our homes to deliver gifts when we were good we were explained about St. Nicholas and how we can still celebrate the spirit of giving that he had for his people. It personally for me helped take away the sting of knowing the man we see on tv flying thru the sky was not real. We even made Jesus a birthday cake on some Christmas Eve which we enjoyed too. Spending that time with our mom and what kid wouldn't like birthday cake for Christmas?! ha.. If you took the time to read and possibly learn something new, thank you. Knowing your history can really help in knowing why we do the things we do and remind ourselves of the spirit of Christmas.

Intro into Jenn's world

I am starting this blog to have a place like my FaceBook used to be before it got so popular that everyone's mom, aunt, uncle, grandma and kids are on there and watching every single thing you say, post, comment and like on others pages and your own. It was my personal place to share my quips about my life, share my dark and sometimes gross humor and talk very openly and honestly about my life and opinions. I never set out to offend anyone and some think you shouldn't tell so much of your personal life to anyone who reads your stuff, I do keep my page on there friends only and I don't care if people I barely know don't share my views. I actually chose my friends based on an ability to not be a yes, friend.. have their own opinions and we can actually share our differences without fighting over stupid things that don't really matter at the end of the day. I am an almost 31 year old mother of two amazing little boys and in the middle of a messy divorce, trying to separate myself and children from a detrimental relationship without losing a wonderful mother-in-law. Honestly I had met the love of my life too young and though we had four wonderful years together and an additional years time that it took to finally give it up from both sides we didn't want the same end result for our lives and it tore us apart. I wanted the whole marriage and 2 kids, a boy and a girl, in that order and a home with a backyard in a decent neighborhood, he didn't. So still mourning that loss I met a man who was also about to give up on the same dream. We met at a bar where I had established myself well and he was a new manager that the owner, who owns three bars plus another industrial ice machine company introduced me to him as his number one bartender. It may not sound like an accomplishment to some but I did work very hard for that title and was proud of it. The owner wasn't a mean guy but he wasn't the easiest guy to work for in that business either, he is a very paranoid person thinking people are always out to steal from him, so anytime that did happen he knew as fast as when they did it. He had infrared cameras and microphones wired throughout all of his businesses that he could access any one of them at any time from his phone and a surveillance  room he spent a lot of time in. So besides the rumors and others telling him when his number one bartender and newly number one manager who got his club going again in full swing with old and new customers flocking to us nightly and an A squad of dancer performers who really worked hard to put on amazing shows nightly had started dating he knew. We knew we had broken his number one rule, at the time though I knew it would be a little hypocritical of him to fire us over it since I had just trained his new girlfriend to be a bartender in the same club. We decided to just come out to him and tell him the truth and see where it took us. He said as long as it didn't get out to the other workers he would let us continue to work for him, but if they found out he would have to take action cause it could turn to chaos of people not respecting his rules. His own girlfriend was quite the gossip queen though and told a lot of the people who have worked there for a long time. The owner decided to transfer my boyfriend, newly fiance to another club to see if he could get the rumors to die down, thinking if we were not in the same spot certain ones claiming favoritism would shut up. But the dancers were also free to work at any of the three clubs on any night that wasn't their scheduled shift at their home club. So it was going around like wildfire how the owner was allowing a manager and bartender who are engaged now to work at his clubs at the same time. He had his second in command give us an ultimatum, one could stay working and the other had to put in their resignation. We figured since I worked mainly off of tips and he got a salary that I would be the one to quit so I put in my two weeks notice. We were surprised they honored the two weeks and I worked up until that date, that was in May and our wedding date was coming up in August. We also decided at that point that we didn't want to wait for children either but since others in his family took a while to get pregnant that we may as well let whatever happen happen. I was pregnant within the first month so about 4 months along during our wedding. That whole night was a blur so I am very thankful for pictures. I chose a long time ago to take anything negative as a learning experience. In past relationships, after they were over I always seemed to only remember the positive memories which made it that much harder to let go completely after it was over. Besides an amazing honeymoon spent in San Francisco and the birth and lives of our two boys all I remember of the four years with him is horror. I know I will write more and more on that in future posts but for a woman that likes to live in my own routines, be close to all of my family and friends a little bit feminist be with a controlling man it was pure hell. I made the mistake of signing on to spend a life with a man that hid who he really was until the deed was done and he thought the paper and children meant he could own us. He lied to everyone about everything, even things that wouldn't have mattered. I had told him before we even started dating to never come between my best friend and I cause that is a battle he would lose, this also went for my family. I didn't think that would mean he would only allow her to be the only one I could see and have over at our home. Anytime I was out though I had to bring at least one of the babies with me and he would text or call me every ten minutes until I walked back in the door and if I took too long to respond or didn't respond it would be a huge fight and accusations from him. If I questioned him about anything, even a simple why for a simple explanation it was met with being cussed out and threatened with physical abuse. He was from Louisiana though we lived and boys were all born in Oklahoma where I am from. He got really bad about keeping or finding work and finally after our second was born he told me that when he escaped the hurricane that he had been on probation and when he lost contact with his probation officer he just decided not to check in anymore. Hiding from a warrant was one reason he avoided even trying to go for certain jobs besides having a previous felony on his record from when he was 19 years old and beat a man almost to death over a girlfriend. I now understand how a woman who is a decent person and attentive mother can have a "baby's daddy in prison." I don't understand the ones who stick by them and continue to have babies with them though. He DID suffer from anxiety so at first I was behind his decision to seek help from our Dr. and get on anti-anxiety meds, I thought it might help him in going to work too. Another wrong turn though, turned out he had no off switch when it came to pills. If he decided he couldn't "feel" the pill in his system he would just take more and more, he would take a whole month's supply within a couple of days and then money his mom would send to help with the boys and bills would go to whoever was out there selling off their supply. When people like my mom bought us expensive gifts for the boys that couldn't be exchanged for money like a nice double stroller I never got to use he would take that back to the store to get the boys the things they needed like wipes and diapers. For Holidays and birthdays he would ask for electronics as gifts just so he could pawn them off for the cash to spend on pills. He then started stealing, he went thru the jewelry boxes I was given of my Granny's after her death and pawned off anything that was real. Any electronics in our home disappeared, I couldn't sleep in my wedding set and one morning when I woke up it too was gone. He told me I had misplaced it and even helped me search for it knowing it wouldn't be found. So of course the next thing that happened was an eviction from our apartment, I was working full time managing a gentlemen's club but of course with economy and all of us trying to survive and his addiction no matter what I made, it wasn't enough. I had to find a home for our newly rescued bull mastiff who was the most perfect family dog I had ever seen. His mom paid for two weeks at one of those pay by the week hotels and all of our stuff went into a storage. My mom was so disappointed in both of us, him for failing and not even trying to support his own family and me for staying with him and not confiding in anyone what I was dealing with on my own. He had also got into my mom's jewelry box one day when we had a family swimming get together and robbed her of a lot of jewelry, some that my grandma had and was even wearing at her death, others that my stepdad had designed for her and had jewelers make from scratch. I didn't know any of that and though she didn't know for months she had a suspicion. She found out that February by going to a couple pawn shops around where we were living and found  3 of her personalized rings on display, the person working the counter said he couldn't tell her the name on the receipt but if she said who she thought it was he would nod, and there was a nod. They couldn't give her jewelry back that they had though unless she called the cops and pressed charges, she decided she didn't want to be the reason her grandchildren's father was taken away and paid over $400 dollars to get back the three rings in the display box. She offered me a deal though, if I were to choose to separate from him she would help me and the boys get into an apartment of our own, as long as I didn't lie to her and he didn't stay there. Everything seemed to pile up all at once, I was confused and hurt and scared to death by everything he had done and said to me. But I decided that for my boys who had to have a home to take the offer and go into an apartment on our own. Not much changed though, he still didn't work, I had found him a place to stay with a friend who had a spare room. I was still giving him money daily for gas, cigarettes and what I knew he spent it on. Again I believed he was trying to better himself when he went to DHS and a state sponsored assistance place that got him a psychiatrist who put him on new and different medication, a state paid apartment and to a company that started him with a few pieces of furniture. He didn't have much there so even though I would bring the boys to see him at his own place, times when he watched our oldest when I was at work (he wouldn't watch both boys for long periods of time so our younger son had to go to a sitter while I worked) he would still steal from me on occasion. Most of the time it wasn't stuff I would have noticed right away, my ipod, more jewelry I had put up, he was greedy though and nothing was ever enough so he did give himself away. He texted me one day asking me where the charger to my camera was, my mom had even bought me a pink camera for my birthday thinking he wouldn't want to go in and pawn a pink camera and that it would give him away to the shops he was frequenting also. It didn't even slow him down but at least I learned that pawn shops didn't take that stuff without the chargers that come with them. He had also pawned off this small flat screen tv his aunt had bought him for his new apartment and the movies I gave him that were his, then one day he stole over 150 of my own personal collection of dvds and when I got home from work and saw a shelf and a half missing on my bookcase he tried to convince me it had only been about 25 movies that he "knew I didn't watch anyway." He had to leave his truck at my apartments and take my car home and back later that week and that night I went thru the truck knowing that is where he liked to hide stuff. I found pawn receipts for 50 movies here, 175 there and for jewelry and a bag full of jewelry that most of them were mine with a few pieces belonging to people I never found out when I asked around so who knows. Then one evening I had told him in a text that the boys and I were going to bed a little after 9 pm, he got high on whatever pills he had sometime after that last conversation. He started blowing up my phone with texts and calls back to back so I turned off my phone and around 1:30am he decided something must be wrong with us (smh) and got in my car and sped this way, we were living at least a 30 minute highway drive away from each other. He got all the way to the stop light right before my street and a cop saw him speeding and running a red light (divine intervention if there ever was one.) He was pulled over and the cop saw he had warrants in Louisiana and he was arrested, the officer was nice enough though to drive to my apartment, wake me up and let me know that my car was parked in the gas station there on that corner and I could go in the morning to get my keys from the jail. That was in the end of May in 2011 and even though he has tried in different ways since then that was end of his reign of terror. Future blog posts shouldn't be as long but now ya know.