I think I need to get this down, maybe it would help someone else to not feel alone or maybe it will just be a release for me. It's hard for me to share my inner feelings with people, even people I am close with.. I didn't use to be like this..not before I felt I was made to be silent about a lot of things that were going on in my personal life. I was always told that someone who is making you keep a lot of secrets can't be good, it's a huge "red flag." I have learned a lot about that phrase too over the past almost 7 years.. it's probably a good thing if you have no idea what that is.. but after reading this you will have a better understanding and who knows.. maybe it is affecting your life too and you just didn't know the words to use for it. I gotta think of some type of title for this post too.. right now I have no idea.
I have always been an introvert, I would shake with both my hands and my voice when I was made to read a report or whatever in front of the class. As I got older I would use outside sources to help make me more comfortable being in groups and out in heavily populated areas. I just feel more comfortable hanging out with a friend or a few at my home or a home I have been to before.. sometimes it takes me a few times of having those close conversations with someone before I start to feel comfortable being around them. Sometimes I wonder if that is what started the issues I have had in my life.. not being much of a talker. Does that make a certain type of person attract to you? I would say like bees to honey, but I don't want to speak down about the bees by comparison. Here is another word you may know or will learn here and that is "trigger." I am going to have to put a "trigger warning" for this post cause some of the things that I have been thru have caused permanent mental damage to others who have gone through it as well. Sorry to those people, I truly feel your heart and wish I could take back that pain for you.
It actually started in junior high for me, well it happened one other period of time before that. With one I wasn't the only one, it turned into this whole huge deal in school and my name was brought up when another friend had come out and had been interviewed by the counselor and principal of the school. So I was called in and I lied about being one of them, I was scared. I didn't want that title associated with my name even though they said it was confidential things get around quick in junior high, I also didn't want to be known as a rat or suffer my own consequences if the officials didn't truly do anything about it. But they did and that person was kicked out of the school, so there was that. There were a few other ones and I never told anyone but my best friend who tried her best to be there with me all the time and we stood up for each other and were our own little force to be reckoned with.. that was when I learned that true bond that two females can have that is so strong it lasts for life.
After high school things got really, really good for me for awhile. I had this amazing boyfriend, the best friends a girl could ask for, both male and female. I felt very safe and protected and was even inducted into this little family of black sheep. Our black sheep parties were the best times and that was actually when I met that boyfriend that was so good to me and I loved more than anything. But it all ended and I was left sitting in the dark, both mentally and physically. Again I had a female friend come to my rescue and made me want to continue fighting for myself. That's when I started bartending and I fell in love with that job and some of the environment. That life also had it's down times too though, it was a definite roller coaster life. Even though I met a lot of really cool and decent people there, its a bar so there is just as many bad as there is good. Now a guy I dated had his good points and his bad points. But his main bad point was so bad I could never see him again after. Jager was his downfall and it made him black out, act really crazy and not remember what he did when he woke up the next morning. Trigger ahead..... He came to the bar one night already drunk from this Christmas party where his mom had tried to set him up with someone he didn't like or find interesting so came to find me after he left. He stayed until the bar closed and I was worried about him driving all the way back to his house with how drunk he was so I told him to follow me home. He didn't hit me and it doesn't have anything to do with anger but it was one of the worst nights of my life, and I did end up hurt from it. He tried to contact me on and off for 3 weeks before I felt okay enough to answer the phone and only did cause I was at a friends house when he called where I felt safe to talk. I decided to remind him of exactly what he didn't remember and his shock said it all, he also told me that it explains why 3 other women never returned his phone calls.. for him that was totally out of the blue that they stopped speaking to him but now he knows why and swore off that drink for the rest of his life but understood completely why we couldn't see each other again.
At the bar I was known for taking the job a little too seriously compared to others. I kept everyone in line, including the managers which they weren't used to but the owner called me his number one and that made me feel good. I had 3 male managers that made a bet with each other on who could get me to go on a date with them and break the rules. They also held a daily bet on who could make me smile or laugh first, truth was I had a few managers before them that cracked me up daily but just had a better and goofier sense of humor. I picked the least perverted of the 3 but I learned just cause you are the least perverted of 3 guys, its still 3 guys who work in a strip club so are pretty perverted anyway. I was tired of the single life, I was tired of being the girlfriend who longs for more.. I wanted my babies. I was 24 and I was scared that with all the health problems that run for the women in my family that if I didn't have them soon I would lose out on being able to have any on my own. I let him fast forward a relationship to marriage and babies, I figured I could learn to live with certain issues and marriage was for life no matter what I was going through. But after almost 5 years I had to give that up for my and my children's health. You start to long for stability when you are moved 8 times in 4 years. When you stop having the same stuff in your home when you wake up than when you went to sleep the night before or in between shifts of work. And to be able to walk past a person without being grabbed on when you have asked and begged so many times for him to stop doing that and explained how it makes you feel and what it reminds you of from when you were younger. There just wasn't anything I wanted from there anymore and I was tired of walking on eggshells and feeling like I was living in a land mine zone.
On my own there was an overwhelming loneliness and sadness and I invited the wrong people into my home because of it. I wanted to numb down those feelings, I wanted to be happy again and I didn't know how to go about it on my own. I also fight this extreme insomnia, diagnosed but I didn't like the medication they put me on, it didn't work right and I didn't want to try any new ones being a single parent and the only one to take care of my two little boys. One night of having a friend over she invited another over that I had been introduced to a couple of times and seemed like a nice guy. He wasn't and had ulterior motives and she wasn't as much of a friend as I thought and only had a payment on her mind. That included longer mental anguish than anything else, to be betrayed twice and then a third time when another person I thought was a friend threatened my life if I spoke about it to anyone. Another guy I was friends with that was showing interest in me in something more and I were followed and threatened for some months after, it was very childish and horrible. To be sent texts and calls saying, you are here and you just did this and not knowing where they were or who was watching was a feeling I cannot put into words.
Skipping ahead to now and the reason for this post and these stories from my life. I know we all have had bad or even horrible things happen to us and since we are still alive we are forced to go on and live some sort of life. I have two kids to raise and they rely on me for moral, mental, physical and emotional support. So as a mother and sometimes a father I have to be all these things for my children and I cannot be weak even when I feel like crawling into a ball for a few days and ignore the whole outside world. I am not allowed to, I must keep going. Do you know what it feels like to be afraid, more than afraid, actual fear to be outside in public? It's a small world and I have seen some of those people from my past in more recent times. Have you ever had a panic attack just from seeing someone's face? Hearing their voice or having someone tell you that they are in your town? Have you ever felt like you were holding your breath for the entire time you were away from your home and can't breath normally until you are back in your own home, with doors locked? Your own little comfort zone where you feel totally safe for the most part. Have you ever felt nauseated just by someone of the opposite sex brushing against you? Whether their hand accidentally touched yours or you have to sit leg to leg by someone in a waiting room. All these feelings are my life now and yes, I am going to reach out professionally and already have to my PCP. Yes, I am already on some type of medication for a part of it. But can you just imagine for a moment what it feels like to live this existence, please? There are others out there who feel all these and maybe more and I get tired of people saying to, "get over it, deal with it, you can't change it so why worry about it now." Sorry, but none of that is helpful to someone who suffers from these emotions and only makes them blame themselves more. Learn to be more gentle with someone who trusts you enough to reveal these types of things to you, it means a lot to even be privy to these innermost thoughts that some of us have like this and it's not easy to admit. I paused several times in this post just trying to give myself enough courage to write the next sentence. Here is one final dictionary word to learn if you don't already know it, I am also an Empath, which means I will feel what others feel. When you come to me with your life stories I live them also through you and your words.
Statistics say that 1 in 3 women has been abused in their lifetime. This means that you or someone you know has gone thru some type of abuse. It is all around us and can be a killer, but we are still told to be silent about it. Women and especially men are revictimized when they speak out and shamed into silence. The first thing you can do to help someone when they come to you with a story of abuse is to believe them and state so, the second thing you need to do is offer any kind of help that you are able to stop the abuse. Even if its just looking up the phone number for a counseling center for the type of abuse that person has suffered. Finally, we need to speak out, stop the cycle and end abuse in any way that we can. Thank you.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Who am I to dream about Jesus?
What could it mean for someone who is not overly religious to have an overly religious dream? Now, this is not a poem.. It is a weird dream I had the other day in the words that came to me as I thought to write it down.
"Two stripes of glitter on a yellowed wall, I take some and put it across my face.
A woman and her son with browned skin and dark brown hair. They are both very happy looking and smiling. She is standing behind him on stretched out land with warm wind blowing, they are speaking a language I do not know. She is leaning down to his ear and speaking to him, he is grinning and replies. They are dressed in white and brown flowing wardrobe. He lifts his arms out to his sides and she lifts him up.. It looks like he is pretending to fly. I know in my heart and mind that he is Jesus but I don't know why."
I also knew without words that this wasn't a dream about the past but in the present, as if he has been reborn and is in our world today as alive as we are. I had this dream on 11/11/14, it stuck with me hard for some hours after having it so I went on my computer and started researching why 11/11 has been known as a spiritual and good luck numbers.. there were so many different ideas that I didn't come across the same one twice so it didn't do me any good. Still at square one with that idea but I feel it meant something to someone.
I never talk about or post on my political or religious views because I would hate to fight with someone over something that could only be proven as opinions. Opinions I feel we all have a right too, no matter what they are. I grew up with Christianity, in my family, I have been to churches and listened to preachers and testimony of devout Christians. I think the closest term that could describe me though is agnostic, I have beliefs and I am open minded and I have questioned each belief numerous times. I leave myself open to change there and I won't go into details but I don't think my own "ideas" there match a lot of those I know personally.
So what does it mean? It could be as simple as, since I am a bit of an avid news reader and seeing the downfall of civilization as far as news shows that I am wishing for a "savior" for all those poor people we read about daily. It could be reading so many FB posts from Christians just led me to dream their own wishes. Maybe it's somewhere in between the two, I can't say for sure. All I know is five days have passed since the dream and even though I have studied dreams and can usually help others figure out why they dreamed what they did and come up with ideas for those meanings I have none for my own. Maybe it's just as simple an explanation as my body was mixed up chemically with my night time meds that it caused a vivid weird dream and that's just it.
"Two stripes of glitter on a yellowed wall, I take some and put it across my face.
A woman and her son with browned skin and dark brown hair. They are both very happy looking and smiling. She is standing behind him on stretched out land with warm wind blowing, they are speaking a language I do not know. She is leaning down to his ear and speaking to him, he is grinning and replies. They are dressed in white and brown flowing wardrobe. He lifts his arms out to his sides and she lifts him up.. It looks like he is pretending to fly. I know in my heart and mind that he is Jesus but I don't know why."
I also knew without words that this wasn't a dream about the past but in the present, as if he has been reborn and is in our world today as alive as we are. I had this dream on 11/11/14, it stuck with me hard for some hours after having it so I went on my computer and started researching why 11/11 has been known as a spiritual and good luck numbers.. there were so many different ideas that I didn't come across the same one twice so it didn't do me any good. Still at square one with that idea but I feel it meant something to someone.
I never talk about or post on my political or religious views because I would hate to fight with someone over something that could only be proven as opinions. Opinions I feel we all have a right too, no matter what they are. I grew up with Christianity, in my family, I have been to churches and listened to preachers and testimony of devout Christians. I think the closest term that could describe me though is agnostic, I have beliefs and I am open minded and I have questioned each belief numerous times. I leave myself open to change there and I won't go into details but I don't think my own "ideas" there match a lot of those I know personally.
So what does it mean? It could be as simple as, since I am a bit of an avid news reader and seeing the downfall of civilization as far as news shows that I am wishing for a "savior" for all those poor people we read about daily. It could be reading so many FB posts from Christians just led me to dream their own wishes. Maybe it's somewhere in between the two, I can't say for sure. All I know is five days have passed since the dream and even though I have studied dreams and can usually help others figure out why they dreamed what they did and come up with ideas for those meanings I have none for my own. Maybe it's just as simple an explanation as my body was mixed up chemically with my night time meds that it caused a vivid weird dream and that's just it.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Be the Ball
I started off as a bouncing ball.. a tough one like a basketball, filled with air. I got low on air a few times but would fill back up and keep on bouncing thru life.. I thought I might meet another ball like me to bounce thru life with and I tried a few but they would go too slow or too fast or I would notice whenever we tried bouncing together I would start losing air and to preserve what I needed I would have to leave that path and go another. Then I met him.... He changed my medium.. I can't get going with just some simple air, it doesn't work. I no longer bounce or even roll.. I am a lump of grey dough.. I try to shape myself into a ball again but it slips thru my fingers and puddles and lumps together. I no longer need to find a bouncing ball to bounce thru life with to complete my journey.. I need a fire.. A person of fire to go under and around me so as I shape myself, it will stand firm. It would be okay if I never got to bouncing again after I was done.. I wouldn't want to run the risk of cracking under the pressure.. but to ROLL! To be rolling again would feel so great! Rolling hard around my two little bouncing balls. I wouldn't squish them like what was done to me, I wouldn't tell them to not bounce or let their air out to make them go slower. But if any one else tries to do that to my little bouncing balls I would be solid enough to crack them wide open and go around them to stop anyone from running into my two precious bouncing balls.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Understand that Facebook tells all your friends when you tell a lie.
In this new age of technology there is still a lot of learning and understanding to be done by most of us. First off, you should know by now not to write anything down whether it be paper or text things that you wouldn't want someone else to see. Your "private" messages can become public within a click of a button. "White lies" to try and spare someone's feelings almost no longer exist, they can find most of them out within five minutes. You tell on yourselves daily and I most likely have also been on both sides of that fence.
The old white lies that just don't work anymore, they don't work because for some reason we are in an age where everyone wants to tell everyone else they know.. What they are doing.. Who they are with.. How much fun they are having.. Or How miserable they really are..
We all have more "friends" on our friends lists than we actually talk to or keep up with, it is nice to be able to see what our "old" friends have been up to and how they are doing now. But I must be one of the weird ones in this internet/facebook world, because even though I have over 300 friends if any one of them asked me to hang out, I would. Those that I would have liked to spy on but didn't really like still got the boot. When I am finally done with a person I couldn't care less what was going on in their world. Or if I did like to do any checking up I didn't do it as a fake friend to them. Which as I'm sure you already know, kinda sucks when they have everything set to private, but oh well, the friendship is over so I wouldn't push it.
So, I decided to write down what I have noticed people lie about and then turn around and tell on themselves via Facebook. Just because a person doesn't call you out on it, doesn't mean they haven't noticed when you lie to them. People should really stop posting and tell everyone they know every little step you take in your daily life. I purposely leave a lot of things off of my Facebook, that way if someone really wants to know what I have been up to, they are gonna have to get off the computer or smart phone and actually talk to me. Same goes with texting, I am not going to share the same things I would in a real conversation during texts cause that kinda defeats the purpose of being a friend. Think about it and stop living through artificial "sharing" because that makes you a fake friend.
1. Don't say that you are no longer friends with someone and then hold an entire conversation with them on yours or their Facebook page, your friends can see both now.
2. Trying to be a "player" in this day and age no longer works either, cause first thing you do when talking to someone is request them as a friend on Facebook. So ladies/guys are going to see exactly who you are talking to and how you talk to them.
3. Saying you have been at home all day or wherever and then posting pictures of somewhere else or just so you know sometimes Facebook will decide to just tell everyone on your friends list what city you are posting from at that time. You have no control over this for the most part.
4. Telling someone you are too busy at the moment to talk or answer your phone and then Facebook will post your latest score on whatever game you were playing instead.
5. This kinda goes with number 1, but posting pictures of you alongside someone you have said you don't hang out with anymore. Caught ya!
6. Using the excuse you don't have any money for going out, paying your child support, paying someone back on a loan or whatever and then posting about something new you just bought. Whether it be pictures or just a text post, it doesn't matter.
7. You would think this one would be an obvious but unless you are one of the very, very few people out there who haven't posted a single picture of yourself and none of your friends have a tagged picture of you, don NOT lie about what you look like!
8. Telling someone that you have stopped one of your bad habits when you haven't, if it hasn't been found out yet Facebook will be sure to tell on you soon enough. I mean things like drinking, smoking.. etc.
9. Here's a kinda obvious one that has happened to me in the past... Someone you know telling you they don't have something of yours and then have a picture posted of themselves with your property in their picture! Like a t-shirt, make up case, shoes and the like.
10. Finally, we know when you are sleeping and when you are not.. thanks to your addiction to Facebook and posting.
The old white lies that just don't work anymore, they don't work because for some reason we are in an age where everyone wants to tell everyone else they know.. What they are doing.. Who they are with.. How much fun they are having.. Or How miserable they really are..
We all have more "friends" on our friends lists than we actually talk to or keep up with, it is nice to be able to see what our "old" friends have been up to and how they are doing now. But I must be one of the weird ones in this internet/facebook world, because even though I have over 300 friends if any one of them asked me to hang out, I would. Those that I would have liked to spy on but didn't really like still got the boot. When I am finally done with a person I couldn't care less what was going on in their world. Or if I did like to do any checking up I didn't do it as a fake friend to them. Which as I'm sure you already know, kinda sucks when they have everything set to private, but oh well, the friendship is over so I wouldn't push it.
So, I decided to write down what I have noticed people lie about and then turn around and tell on themselves via Facebook. Just because a person doesn't call you out on it, doesn't mean they haven't noticed when you lie to them. People should really stop posting and tell everyone they know every little step you take in your daily life. I purposely leave a lot of things off of my Facebook, that way if someone really wants to know what I have been up to, they are gonna have to get off the computer or smart phone and actually talk to me. Same goes with texting, I am not going to share the same things I would in a real conversation during texts cause that kinda defeats the purpose of being a friend. Think about it and stop living through artificial "sharing" because that makes you a fake friend.
1. Don't say that you are no longer friends with someone and then hold an entire conversation with them on yours or their Facebook page, your friends can see both now.
2. Trying to be a "player" in this day and age no longer works either, cause first thing you do when talking to someone is request them as a friend on Facebook. So ladies/guys are going to see exactly who you are talking to and how you talk to them.
3. Saying you have been at home all day or wherever and then posting pictures of somewhere else or just so you know sometimes Facebook will decide to just tell everyone on your friends list what city you are posting from at that time. You have no control over this for the most part.
4. Telling someone you are too busy at the moment to talk or answer your phone and then Facebook will post your latest score on whatever game you were playing instead.
5. This kinda goes with number 1, but posting pictures of you alongside someone you have said you don't hang out with anymore. Caught ya!
6. Using the excuse you don't have any money for going out, paying your child support, paying someone back on a loan or whatever and then posting about something new you just bought. Whether it be pictures or just a text post, it doesn't matter.
7. You would think this one would be an obvious but unless you are one of the very, very few people out there who haven't posted a single picture of yourself and none of your friends have a tagged picture of you, don NOT lie about what you look like!
8. Telling someone that you have stopped one of your bad habits when you haven't, if it hasn't been found out yet Facebook will be sure to tell on you soon enough. I mean things like drinking, smoking.. etc.
9. Here's a kinda obvious one that has happened to me in the past... Someone you know telling you they don't have something of yours and then have a picture posted of themselves with your property in their picture! Like a t-shirt, make up case, shoes and the like.
10. Finally, we know when you are sleeping and when you are not.. thanks to your addiction to Facebook and posting.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Death Penalty
So with the recent execution "fail" in our lovely state I thought I would take a few minutes to state my opinions on the subject and on what happened recently.
In case you were not aware, here in Oklahoma there was a planned double execution. It would have been the first double execution for our state in around a 100 years. But, they decided to try this new death mixture for the injection and something went wrong with it, so a death that should have been over in 6-12 minutes ended up taking over an hour and included convulsing and the criminal becoming conscious at least 3 times during his death and said a few words each time that couldn't be understood but all that wasn't supposed to happen. This scum finally died of a cardiac arrest. The Doctor that was attending said he believes the mans vein blew so he wasn't getting the full dose of toxins thru his bloodstream causing the death to be considered painful and cruel treatment. So our "pansy" Governor (my opinion) decided to put a 10 day stay of execution to do a full investigation into exactly what went wrong and what changes needed to be made before the other man was put to death.
These two jerks had already tried suing the state over this new combination of drugs that the state bought from another state to try stating that legally they should receive paperwork stating precisely every chemical and exactly how much would be injected into their bodies upon their deaths. It was overturned by a judge and so the state was given the approval to use the new controversial drugs without showing anyone the list of ingredients that would be in the injections.
So, What is my opinion on what happened and on the death penalty itself?
It's too bad they hadn't injected both of them at the same time and got it over with and given the families of their victims the justice they deserve. Why do people always put their focus on the criminals and not the victims and their families who have to go on living after what was done to them or in the case of one of these victims, lost their life. I wonder if all these people who are so offended at how this past execution went and are now protesting to stop this second execution even bothered to find out what these two scumbags did in the first place to be sentenced to death row? Let's not forget a jury of these two guys peers who actually saw all the horrifying evidence and had to listen to every detail of the crimes committed and all agreed that these men deserved a death sentence. What exactly were those crimes? Well.... the one who is no longer with us shot a woman and then buried her alive. The piece of shit who is still alive at this moment abused and then murdered an 8 month old baby girl.
We could greatly decrease scum like that by just bringing back public executions. I don't care if it's only televised torture though I would prefer bringing back middle of town squares punishments where the public could pay a sum to participate with victims families given a freebie of course. Like pulling the rope free for hangings, the lever for beheadings and so on. And don't forget to include the stocks for lower but still horrible crimes like first time pedophiles. Then everyone could get a good look at the offender face to face instead of having to go on internet searches to make sure one isn't living next door to you or near your kids schools. We should be able to tell those types of people to their faces exactly what we feel about those who commit crimes against our innocents and chuck a rock at their head if you choose. The same punishments would go for this uprising amount of women pedophile offenders too. As it stands now not enough of these sickos have the fear they should of getting caught since we all know a lot of first time offenders get a little slap on the wrist. Going on with their lives after, being free to go many places our children should be safe to be at all times.
Our country has become far too soft on punishments, therefore all of our innocent have become at risk and it seems we have more criminals walking about than clean morally decent people. The whiny do nothing people in our country keep crying out for answers when those answers have been in our own country's history this whole time. "It's high noon mother f'ers! I'm ready for a showdown!"
In case you were not aware, here in Oklahoma there was a planned double execution. It would have been the first double execution for our state in around a 100 years. But, they decided to try this new death mixture for the injection and something went wrong with it, so a death that should have been over in 6-12 minutes ended up taking over an hour and included convulsing and the criminal becoming conscious at least 3 times during his death and said a few words each time that couldn't be understood but all that wasn't supposed to happen. This scum finally died of a cardiac arrest. The Doctor that was attending said he believes the mans vein blew so he wasn't getting the full dose of toxins thru his bloodstream causing the death to be considered painful and cruel treatment. So our "pansy" Governor (my opinion) decided to put a 10 day stay of execution to do a full investigation into exactly what went wrong and what changes needed to be made before the other man was put to death.
These two jerks had already tried suing the state over this new combination of drugs that the state bought from another state to try stating that legally they should receive paperwork stating precisely every chemical and exactly how much would be injected into their bodies upon their deaths. It was overturned by a judge and so the state was given the approval to use the new controversial drugs without showing anyone the list of ingredients that would be in the injections.
So, What is my opinion on what happened and on the death penalty itself?
It's too bad they hadn't injected both of them at the same time and got it over with and given the families of their victims the justice they deserve. Why do people always put their focus on the criminals and not the victims and their families who have to go on living after what was done to them or in the case of one of these victims, lost their life. I wonder if all these people who are so offended at how this past execution went and are now protesting to stop this second execution even bothered to find out what these two scumbags did in the first place to be sentenced to death row? Let's not forget a jury of these two guys peers who actually saw all the horrifying evidence and had to listen to every detail of the crimes committed and all agreed that these men deserved a death sentence. What exactly were those crimes? Well.... the one who is no longer with us shot a woman and then buried her alive. The piece of shit who is still alive at this moment abused and then murdered an 8 month old baby girl.
We could greatly decrease scum like that by just bringing back public executions. I don't care if it's only televised torture though I would prefer bringing back middle of town squares punishments where the public could pay a sum to participate with victims families given a freebie of course. Like pulling the rope free for hangings, the lever for beheadings and so on. And don't forget to include the stocks for lower but still horrible crimes like first time pedophiles. Then everyone could get a good look at the offender face to face instead of having to go on internet searches to make sure one isn't living next door to you or near your kids schools. We should be able to tell those types of people to their faces exactly what we feel about those who commit crimes against our innocents and chuck a rock at their head if you choose. The same punishments would go for this uprising amount of women pedophile offenders too. As it stands now not enough of these sickos have the fear they should of getting caught since we all know a lot of first time offenders get a little slap on the wrist. Going on with their lives after, being free to go many places our children should be safe to be at all times.
Our country has become far too soft on punishments, therefore all of our innocent have become at risk and it seems we have more criminals walking about than clean morally decent people. The whiny do nothing people in our country keep crying out for answers when those answers have been in our own country's history this whole time. "It's high noon mother f'ers! I'm ready for a showdown!"
Saturday, March 1, 2014
The "Passionate Parent" FB Friends
I am guessing as soon as language was formed there have been parents, mainly the mothers debating their parenting styles. Arguing over what is the best way to raise our young, instead of just agreeing that any parent who is actively trying is technically a "good parent." So many things change every few years that being that ideal parent takes a lot of research with no free time to do as much as you would like. People who are well read on a particular subject will use the strongest wordings they can think of to try and persuade others to agree with them. But in all but a handful of topics there is no "black and white" -it's all in shades of grey.
But, intelligent people know that they could always hear or read new info. on topics they thought they already knew everything about that will inherently change their views. And on of the ways people try to get others in rereading on a topic they thought they already understood in the parenting department is by asking people, "Do you really care about your child?" "Do you want your kid to be healthy?" "Do you realize you could be mentally, verbally, or physically abusing your child if you are doing this?" See, stupidly strong wording just to get you to read their opinions and make you feel like you have been screwing up your child thru ignorance on your part. How Rude! Right?
We obsess on small decisions regarding our children because even though we consciously try to keep our kids healthy in every way, we still worry if we aren't doing something to accidentally mess them up. So here are some of the things I have noticed on my FB timeline from those parents who get really passionate about certain baby and kid topics that they believe only has one way to be right and those who don't follow it are being "bad parents" or ignorantly causing possible harm to their young and need to be educated until the agree with them to change and do it "their way." I know these people, so I know they aren't being pushy or bossy on purpose and they do it cause they really do care to make sure every child they know is safe and that comes first with the parent but how do we know that here in about 2-3 years some new study is gonna come out saying that that particular way was actually wrong or didn't matter. Oops! Our bad guys, we probably should have done a hundred more studies to make sure we were telling you the right way to raise your young before we told you, you were a bad parent if you didn't do it that way. But we got it now! Here's your new "Super Safe Car Seat." We promise we got it right this time! (~ sigh, yah sure, too late now. So glad my children didn't die from the now unsafe carseats they rode in when they we were told something else.~)
Here we go. ~ The Breast Is Best Mom.~ Yes, We all know that babies have been breastfeeding since women noticed after having a baby that their breasts filled up with a milk like substance. We have found out in more recent history that the babies who got those vitamins from breast milk in the first months of their lives had better immunities against certain viruses and other stuff. But where they make none breast feeding mama's feel like failures. I actually wanted to be a breast feeding Mama, I did try really hard but by the second or third month I just dried up or they were getting more air in their bellies than milk and every Mom knows how fussy an air filled baby can be and no one wants to be the cause of pain for their infant. But the breast passionate Mama's keep saying in all the stuff I have read on how you control your supply. How if you just try harder and pump more in between feedings your supply will increase. That is just not true for all of us! Cause I did it all, and with my younger son I even let him stay attached and switching sides for entire nights! It still just went away and there was nothing I could do but start buying formula.
~ Sleep coaching or Bed Sharing Families~ I admit I am a bed sharer! I love cuddling my little ones, I don't feel like they have taken over anything of mine. They were inside me for 9 months, just cause they have been born doesn't mean I have to start pushing them away at infancy. I took precautions when they were babies, I was aware of them being in my bed all night every night. They were put on an infant sleeping pillow that has little soft bumper sides to keep them from rolling and is slightly inclined but not enough they would slide down it. I don't knock parents who keep their kids in a separate room and bed but don't look down on me cause I don't. They have their own room, they have slept many times in their own beds. Actually to tell the truth they used to sleep in their own room for a long time, I started them on their own beds at around a year old and they did very well, especially my youngest who went from snuggling me at night to snuggling his Bubba at night so he has never felt alone. When a person I would obviously never speak to again broke into our home and climbed thru the kids window, knocked their head board down and robbed us of our huge movie collection, my older son has a memory like an elephant and so understandably is just scared of someone coming thru his window at night. I don't feel bad at all for letting them sleep with me now and they are allowed to do it as long as they feel they need me. I only get this time with them once, I want to remember it as the closest years ever.
A new one to me. ~ The Un-Altering Advocate~ To circumcise your baby boys or not? Women have now been claiming that circumcision is not worth it and that it desensitizes the males penis. But from what I read on it, they are getting their information and studies from adult men who had a circumcision done later in life. Here is where they lose me, I have had both my boys circumcised cause even just five years ago that was the norm to do with your sons. And from my experiences with my sons, my younger son's circumcision came out perfect and besides normal rashes little ones can get he is perfectly healthy in that region with no problems. My older son for some reason got what looks like a half or 2/3rds circumcision, they just didn't get it all. He is almost 6 and gets kinda shy about things so a lot of times it isn't until bath time that I notice he again has another infection. We have had prescription ointment for him pretty much since he was a 1 yr old for flare ups. He is just one prone to rashes and infections though and has a lower immunity system than most kids, I still wonder if he wouldn't be suffering as much if they had just done it right the first time.
~ The Anti-discipline or just Spank them Parents~ Do time-outs really work on all kids for everything? Will a spanking teach them hitting is wrong? No one wants their child to start being violent. But does spanking teach violence or respect? If your child won't stop slapping or biting other kids, and you have tried everything else, is it okay to do it back to them just once to show them what it feels like? I have been thru the slapping one with my oldest and sorry to say but the only thing that made him stop was one little slap on his belly where he had been doing it to his best friend at the time who is a kid who runs around in underwear most of the time was the only thing that stopped him from ever doing it again. I don't like spanking my kids, and I do use mostly time-outs but they continue to get in trouble for doing the same things over and over so I am open there to new suggestions to make them stop hurting each other and other children for no reason.
~ The Anti-Gun Piercing Parent~ That one is me too. I was with a professional piercer for 5 years who owned his own shop that I worked in at the counter with him for a couple of years so I feel strongly about it. The information is out there so I don't feel it's just opinion here but I know others who do. Places like Claire's reuse that disgusting piercing gun and may wipe it down with an alcohol pad in between clients. Did ya know that alcohol pads do not kill the AIDS, HIV, or Hep Viruses? Cause it doesn't, still seem harmless and safe? When you go to a professional piercer, most of them had to apprentice for 2 yrs before they were left to work on clients by themselves, I went to cosmetology school and the gun piercing was included in the classes, it lasted for maybe a week or two but was only for one hour a day during that time. I spent that time educating my fellow students on how gross and wrong a piercing gun was but some were still so excited that they would get to shoot blunt objects into each others ears so they didn't care. Oh yah, that's the other part, ever hear of a keloid scar? It's one of those nasty thick scars that sit raised on your skin, I and many others got one from getting a cartilage piercing from a gun, I did learn in the class one useful tip. Those guns are only supposed to be used on the soft part of your ear lobe, not the higher cartilage piercings. Those piercing ear rings with the pointy tip that is blasted thru your flesh by a gun cause bruising and scarring, not saying you can't get bruised by a professional needle too but you will heal twice as fast and they also have better healing solutions there to speed up the healing process. If you are considering a new piercing and haven't heard of H2Ocean yet, that is the best stuff ever! When a piercer does the piercing he is most likely (a good shop anyway) using a tri bevel, silicone coated, hollow needle in the gauge of your choice. These are the kinds that dr.s use when they need to get in your skin, remember how it just slid thru easily like a knife thru butter in your skin? Shouldn't your piercing be that smooth and quick too? Just saying.
~ Cloth Diapering Parents. Now I used disposable with both my boys, call me lazy or whatever but it's what I chose. Actually cloth diapering wasn't even a thing with my first and barely there with my second as far as I knew anyway. I do understand why, less in garbage means less in piles around our planet and there are a lot of people trying to share the same spaces so it makes sense. But I am one that has thrown away overly soiled underwear because of how gross they were and that is just on occasion. I couldn't imagine cleaning those dirty soiled things daily and putting them in my washing machine with our regular un pooped on clothing. I get it, but it's not for me.
~ Giving your little ones electronics to keep them quiet or making them earn toys and use their imaginations. A long title there I know but here's the thing. People in general, myself included are just turning into sloths and relying on electronics to entertain us. I know it's eventually going to happen with my boys but I don't have to push it under their noses as soon as they are old enough to push buttons. And yes, they talk sometimes incessantly while we are in waiting rooms and I still don't have electronics ready to shut them up and make them be still. I have let them earn and collect little tiny action heros, the Marvel characters they love and when we get ready to go somewhere I know they will need to sit down at I let them back a small backpack with their little guys and believe me they will entertain the room with their little inventive story lines sometimes. I make sure they don't get too loud with it and aren't in peoples foot paths as much as possible but I look around at all the adults faces too to make sure no one is looking peeved and surprise I see them smiling and some even laughing a little. I really do love how a small child's imagination brightens a persons day and with those timeless characters you can see or they tell me how they remember playing with the same little guys when they were children or when their children were little. Besides, if I am getting along with out all those new electronics then my kids will be just fine without them too.
~ The TV Critic. Hey, I like the idea of my kids learning from the shows they watch as much as the next parent. But you gotta admit, some of those shows and particular characters voices are just plain annoying and start grating on your nerves after awhile. We don't have cable so we watch a lot of DVDs, though after a 3rd robbery of just our movies, the pickings are slim. Luckily this time the one I am pretty positive that is the thief left us our burned movies and a few that were on the tv at the time, mostly cartoons. I admit I let my kids watch some movies though that other parents probably would not. I don't judge the movies by ratings but more on what they are about and there are some movies where when a part comes up that I don't want my kids seeing I skip it. They are movies though that the kids are not allowed to watch without me, so I am still controlling what they see by my own standards. I am mostly talking about "Super hero" movies that may be a little darker than the cheesy family flick ones or not exactly in the comic book movie category but more of just characters with some kind of powers that include some cool graphics. Or movies I know that have some cool looking "fake" characters that I think the boys would enjoy. I never claimed to be Betty Crocker or in new terms a "helicopter parent."
~ The car seat fanatic. We all want our kids to be safe while traveling, well the decent parents do. I used the rear facing seats while they were infants the toddler booster during their toddler years and regular booster seats now that they are bigger. But I admit that I may not have always got the chest piece exactly tight enough or in the specific spot on their chests while in infant seats. I didn't put the toddler seat rear facing and pretty much as soon as they were big enough to turn them around I did. My kids weren't happy in the rear facing seats and if you had a child like my oldest you would understand my reasons. Any time this kid got upset from birth to still occasionally at 6 years old he throws up. I jokingly nicknamed him the "exorcist baby" in his baby years. I admit I just went to our PCP pediatrician's office more than once to try and get them to help us with our baby exorcist issues cause having a baby throwing up lactose free formula daily was horribly gagging and smelly. The pediatrician said he probably had a bad case of acid reflux and the baby seat just helped the acid sit in his chest when he got upset but refused to give us any medicine to get him on to help him. She told us our insurance didn't cover the medication and it was expensive so she wasn't going to bother writing us a script for it. It made us mad but we were new parents and figured if she wouldn't do it then that was the end of that and we just had to deal with it. Though it's probably one of the main reasons that my son's top three teeth on top rotted and broke apart and had to be removed at just 4 years old. We live and learn and I think most of us as first time parents there will be things that what we know now is not what we knew then and if we could go back and change it then we would.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses as parents, and as people and people are going to judge us regardless. I know there are more topics that I could touch on and maybe I will write a part two some day. My point is, you can have your baby topics that you feel strongly about and want to get everyone on board with it but it's not going to happen. I do try my hardest to not judge my parent friends on these things though I know I have wrote posts in the past on the ones I do feel strongly about and may have hurt some feelings. I don't think they are bad parents though, I know we are all trying our hardest to raise our little ladies and gentlemen the best ways we know. Plus the "experts" are changing what makes us "good parents" every couple of years and it can be hard to keep up with, we just have to remember to keep an open mind and never think you know it all when it comes to raising kids. There will always be something coming up that you thought you knew cause heck! the experts told us it was supposed to be that way and now all of a sudden you will be labeled a "bad" parent for continuing to do and not immediately jump on the "change band wagon." It would probably be so much easier if all of us passionate parents came together to talk on what we know without using judging words which is harder said than done, it's ingrained into our brains when we are researching those topics and the choice wording that is used to make sure you have changed your mind by the time you are done reading it. Share our knowledge and understand we are not always going to agree and that's okay.
But, intelligent people know that they could always hear or read new info. on topics they thought they already knew everything about that will inherently change their views. And on of the ways people try to get others in rereading on a topic they thought they already understood in the parenting department is by asking people, "Do you really care about your child?" "Do you want your kid to be healthy?" "Do you realize you could be mentally, verbally, or physically abusing your child if you are doing this?" See, stupidly strong wording just to get you to read their opinions and make you feel like you have been screwing up your child thru ignorance on your part. How Rude! Right?
We obsess on small decisions regarding our children because even though we consciously try to keep our kids healthy in every way, we still worry if we aren't doing something to accidentally mess them up. So here are some of the things I have noticed on my FB timeline from those parents who get really passionate about certain baby and kid topics that they believe only has one way to be right and those who don't follow it are being "bad parents" or ignorantly causing possible harm to their young and need to be educated until the agree with them to change and do it "their way." I know these people, so I know they aren't being pushy or bossy on purpose and they do it cause they really do care to make sure every child they know is safe and that comes first with the parent but how do we know that here in about 2-3 years some new study is gonna come out saying that that particular way was actually wrong or didn't matter. Oops! Our bad guys, we probably should have done a hundred more studies to make sure we were telling you the right way to raise your young before we told you, you were a bad parent if you didn't do it that way. But we got it now! Here's your new "Super Safe Car Seat." We promise we got it right this time! (~ sigh, yah sure, too late now. So glad my children didn't die from the now unsafe carseats they rode in when they we were told something else.~)
Here we go. ~ The Breast Is Best Mom.~ Yes, We all know that babies have been breastfeeding since women noticed after having a baby that their breasts filled up with a milk like substance. We have found out in more recent history that the babies who got those vitamins from breast milk in the first months of their lives had better immunities against certain viruses and other stuff. But where they make none breast feeding mama's feel like failures. I actually wanted to be a breast feeding Mama, I did try really hard but by the second or third month I just dried up or they were getting more air in their bellies than milk and every Mom knows how fussy an air filled baby can be and no one wants to be the cause of pain for their infant. But the breast passionate Mama's keep saying in all the stuff I have read on how you control your supply. How if you just try harder and pump more in between feedings your supply will increase. That is just not true for all of us! Cause I did it all, and with my younger son I even let him stay attached and switching sides for entire nights! It still just went away and there was nothing I could do but start buying formula.
~ Sleep coaching or Bed Sharing Families~ I admit I am a bed sharer! I love cuddling my little ones, I don't feel like they have taken over anything of mine. They were inside me for 9 months, just cause they have been born doesn't mean I have to start pushing them away at infancy. I took precautions when they were babies, I was aware of them being in my bed all night every night. They were put on an infant sleeping pillow that has little soft bumper sides to keep them from rolling and is slightly inclined but not enough they would slide down it. I don't knock parents who keep their kids in a separate room and bed but don't look down on me cause I don't. They have their own room, they have slept many times in their own beds. Actually to tell the truth they used to sleep in their own room for a long time, I started them on their own beds at around a year old and they did very well, especially my youngest who went from snuggling me at night to snuggling his Bubba at night so he has never felt alone. When a person I would obviously never speak to again broke into our home and climbed thru the kids window, knocked their head board down and robbed us of our huge movie collection, my older son has a memory like an elephant and so understandably is just scared of someone coming thru his window at night. I don't feel bad at all for letting them sleep with me now and they are allowed to do it as long as they feel they need me. I only get this time with them once, I want to remember it as the closest years ever.
A new one to me. ~ The Un-Altering Advocate~ To circumcise your baby boys or not? Women have now been claiming that circumcision is not worth it and that it desensitizes the males penis. But from what I read on it, they are getting their information and studies from adult men who had a circumcision done later in life. Here is where they lose me, I have had both my boys circumcised cause even just five years ago that was the norm to do with your sons. And from my experiences with my sons, my younger son's circumcision came out perfect and besides normal rashes little ones can get he is perfectly healthy in that region with no problems. My older son for some reason got what looks like a half or 2/3rds circumcision, they just didn't get it all. He is almost 6 and gets kinda shy about things so a lot of times it isn't until bath time that I notice he again has another infection. We have had prescription ointment for him pretty much since he was a 1 yr old for flare ups. He is just one prone to rashes and infections though and has a lower immunity system than most kids, I still wonder if he wouldn't be suffering as much if they had just done it right the first time.
~ The Anti-discipline or just Spank them Parents~ Do time-outs really work on all kids for everything? Will a spanking teach them hitting is wrong? No one wants their child to start being violent. But does spanking teach violence or respect? If your child won't stop slapping or biting other kids, and you have tried everything else, is it okay to do it back to them just once to show them what it feels like? I have been thru the slapping one with my oldest and sorry to say but the only thing that made him stop was one little slap on his belly where he had been doing it to his best friend at the time who is a kid who runs around in underwear most of the time was the only thing that stopped him from ever doing it again. I don't like spanking my kids, and I do use mostly time-outs but they continue to get in trouble for doing the same things over and over so I am open there to new suggestions to make them stop hurting each other and other children for no reason.
~ The Anti-Gun Piercing Parent~ That one is me too. I was with a professional piercer for 5 years who owned his own shop that I worked in at the counter with him for a couple of years so I feel strongly about it. The information is out there so I don't feel it's just opinion here but I know others who do. Places like Claire's reuse that disgusting piercing gun and may wipe it down with an alcohol pad in between clients. Did ya know that alcohol pads do not kill the AIDS, HIV, or Hep Viruses? Cause it doesn't, still seem harmless and safe? When you go to a professional piercer, most of them had to apprentice for 2 yrs before they were left to work on clients by themselves, I went to cosmetology school and the gun piercing was included in the classes, it lasted for maybe a week or two but was only for one hour a day during that time. I spent that time educating my fellow students on how gross and wrong a piercing gun was but some were still so excited that they would get to shoot blunt objects into each others ears so they didn't care. Oh yah, that's the other part, ever hear of a keloid scar? It's one of those nasty thick scars that sit raised on your skin, I and many others got one from getting a cartilage piercing from a gun, I did learn in the class one useful tip. Those guns are only supposed to be used on the soft part of your ear lobe, not the higher cartilage piercings. Those piercing ear rings with the pointy tip that is blasted thru your flesh by a gun cause bruising and scarring, not saying you can't get bruised by a professional needle too but you will heal twice as fast and they also have better healing solutions there to speed up the healing process. If you are considering a new piercing and haven't heard of H2Ocean yet, that is the best stuff ever! When a piercer does the piercing he is most likely (a good shop anyway) using a tri bevel, silicone coated, hollow needle in the gauge of your choice. These are the kinds that dr.s use when they need to get in your skin, remember how it just slid thru easily like a knife thru butter in your skin? Shouldn't your piercing be that smooth and quick too? Just saying.
~ Cloth Diapering Parents. Now I used disposable with both my boys, call me lazy or whatever but it's what I chose. Actually cloth diapering wasn't even a thing with my first and barely there with my second as far as I knew anyway. I do understand why, less in garbage means less in piles around our planet and there are a lot of people trying to share the same spaces so it makes sense. But I am one that has thrown away overly soiled underwear because of how gross they were and that is just on occasion. I couldn't imagine cleaning those dirty soiled things daily and putting them in my washing machine with our regular un pooped on clothing. I get it, but it's not for me.
~ Giving your little ones electronics to keep them quiet or making them earn toys and use their imaginations. A long title there I know but here's the thing. People in general, myself included are just turning into sloths and relying on electronics to entertain us. I know it's eventually going to happen with my boys but I don't have to push it under their noses as soon as they are old enough to push buttons. And yes, they talk sometimes incessantly while we are in waiting rooms and I still don't have electronics ready to shut them up and make them be still. I have let them earn and collect little tiny action heros, the Marvel characters they love and when we get ready to go somewhere I know they will need to sit down at I let them back a small backpack with their little guys and believe me they will entertain the room with their little inventive story lines sometimes. I make sure they don't get too loud with it and aren't in peoples foot paths as much as possible but I look around at all the adults faces too to make sure no one is looking peeved and surprise I see them smiling and some even laughing a little. I really do love how a small child's imagination brightens a persons day and with those timeless characters you can see or they tell me how they remember playing with the same little guys when they were children or when their children were little. Besides, if I am getting along with out all those new electronics then my kids will be just fine without them too.
~ The TV Critic. Hey, I like the idea of my kids learning from the shows they watch as much as the next parent. But you gotta admit, some of those shows and particular characters voices are just plain annoying and start grating on your nerves after awhile. We don't have cable so we watch a lot of DVDs, though after a 3rd robbery of just our movies, the pickings are slim. Luckily this time the one I am pretty positive that is the thief left us our burned movies and a few that were on the tv at the time, mostly cartoons. I admit I let my kids watch some movies though that other parents probably would not. I don't judge the movies by ratings but more on what they are about and there are some movies where when a part comes up that I don't want my kids seeing I skip it. They are movies though that the kids are not allowed to watch without me, so I am still controlling what they see by my own standards. I am mostly talking about "Super hero" movies that may be a little darker than the cheesy family flick ones or not exactly in the comic book movie category but more of just characters with some kind of powers that include some cool graphics. Or movies I know that have some cool looking "fake" characters that I think the boys would enjoy. I never claimed to be Betty Crocker or in new terms a "helicopter parent."
~ The car seat fanatic. We all want our kids to be safe while traveling, well the decent parents do. I used the rear facing seats while they were infants the toddler booster during their toddler years and regular booster seats now that they are bigger. But I admit that I may not have always got the chest piece exactly tight enough or in the specific spot on their chests while in infant seats. I didn't put the toddler seat rear facing and pretty much as soon as they were big enough to turn them around I did. My kids weren't happy in the rear facing seats and if you had a child like my oldest you would understand my reasons. Any time this kid got upset from birth to still occasionally at 6 years old he throws up. I jokingly nicknamed him the "exorcist baby" in his baby years. I admit I just went to our PCP pediatrician's office more than once to try and get them to help us with our baby exorcist issues cause having a baby throwing up lactose free formula daily was horribly gagging and smelly. The pediatrician said he probably had a bad case of acid reflux and the baby seat just helped the acid sit in his chest when he got upset but refused to give us any medicine to get him on to help him. She told us our insurance didn't cover the medication and it was expensive so she wasn't going to bother writing us a script for it. It made us mad but we were new parents and figured if she wouldn't do it then that was the end of that and we just had to deal with it. Though it's probably one of the main reasons that my son's top three teeth on top rotted and broke apart and had to be removed at just 4 years old. We live and learn and I think most of us as first time parents there will be things that what we know now is not what we knew then and if we could go back and change it then we would.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses as parents, and as people and people are going to judge us regardless. I know there are more topics that I could touch on and maybe I will write a part two some day. My point is, you can have your baby topics that you feel strongly about and want to get everyone on board with it but it's not going to happen. I do try my hardest to not judge my parent friends on these things though I know I have wrote posts in the past on the ones I do feel strongly about and may have hurt some feelings. I don't think they are bad parents though, I know we are all trying our hardest to raise our little ladies and gentlemen the best ways we know. Plus the "experts" are changing what makes us "good parents" every couple of years and it can be hard to keep up with, we just have to remember to keep an open mind and never think you know it all when it comes to raising kids. There will always be something coming up that you thought you knew cause heck! the experts told us it was supposed to be that way and now all of a sudden you will be labeled a "bad" parent for continuing to do and not immediately jump on the "change band wagon." It would probably be so much easier if all of us passionate parents came together to talk on what we know without using judging words which is harder said than done, it's ingrained into our brains when we are researching those topics and the choice wording that is used to make sure you have changed your mind by the time you are done reading it. Share our knowledge and understand we are not always going to agree and that's okay.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Sorry, I'm not Sorry.
Throughout my life I have gone through many appearance changes and jobs as I have tried to figure out who I really am, to be comfortable in my own skin like many others have also done. But during some of those times when I was pretty happy with my life and looks it seems that I have been made to apologize just for being me and being looked up to by my younger selves that I occasionally ran into by their parents or guardians. I am a people pleaser by nature, I want people to accept me for how I am, it really is an unhappy way to be. I don't like to look like others and I don't think we should be fitted into these cookie cutter roles, this actually doesn't get any easier with age either like I thought it would. And living in the buckle of the Bible belt really makes it more difficult to be "different" and accepted. So these are just a few times in my life where I kind of apologized for being me but I didn't mean it and I still wonder what happened to some of the people I have met in passing and what kind of people they turned into and how hard their journey has been knowing we are "different" in a state that wants every one to be the same. A bunch of middle class, christian, neutral colored clothing wearing, with average colored hair and styles, and smiling faces.
The first time this happened that I remember I was 18 years old and a cashier at a new Wal Mart Grocery store in Moore, Oklahoma. In those days we didn't have to wear whole uniforms we all had a green vest to wear over our normal clothes. I was an early 2000s punk, I had twisted jelly bracelets up both arms, huge chunky platform boots and maroon colored hair with pink streaks running through it. I was happy with my looks which was a breakthrough in my life. A day came when a mother and her probably barely a teen daughter came through my line. They were talking about the changes this girl wanted in her own looks and she pointed at me and said, "HER!"" I want that hair, I want to dress different, and how do you do your bracelets like that?" The mother's mouth was hanging open and stuttering, I could tell she was mortified but didn't want to insult me to my face either. I found myself trying to talk myself down to this girl so her mother could be happy without saying it herself and causing any fighting with her daughter in the store. Though I did show her the bracelet trick that I found myself doing a tutorial for in that job with a lot of teens and young adults. The mother smiled as I told the girl how difficult it could be in life and looking for jobs with unnatural colored hair and thanked me as they left. The girl I could tell hadn't given up though and still wanted to do what she wanted and I silently wished her good luck in my mind. Another little me running around in high school in the future, just fine by me. Looks don't make the person.
Now, fast forward some years and I had finally got to mark learning to bartend off my bucket list. I learned a new more toned down look, for me anyway that my own mother and I both were okay with, I loved my job. Sure I was living in the Bible Belt and my bartending in a Gentlemen's Club is looked down upon by the majority here. But I was really respected at my job, I was making really good money and I had a fun roommate who also worked at the club and cool neighbors we hung out with a lot. I got treated like a little local celebrity cause everyone wants to buddy up with the bartender when they drink and I got visited by real local celebrities and a few bigger ones when they were in town. My mom and stepdad had been working for the same company for some years and he was retiring so there was a party thrown for him. I went to the retirement party at this restaurant and I was seated across from a really nice Christian woman who I had met a few times with my mom. This woman had taken in her nieces and nephews and was raising them and brought them with her to the party. She asked me what I was doing for a job and so I told her, it was obvious she became uneasy with the topic at hand. Her older teen nephews eyes lit up and he started asking me a ton of questions about how awesome it was to be a bartender and how could he get into that line of work when he was old enough and how that was his dream job. So here I was again, she was trying to talk him out of it and asking me leading questions to do the same. Like how the money isn't guaranteed, it's not really a safe environment to work, it's a smoky place with bad ventilation and drunks can be mean and crazy. I wanted to say no, it's good money and I don't do anything illegal or drink while working, the owner there is actually really strict and fires anyone who is caught doing something illegal and it's really fun and I love it. But I held all that in and told whatever negatives I could think of and I got another silent thank you mouthed to me from another "parent." Though after that conversation it just made me feel stressed, a little down and unsure of what I could say, like I was in a test without the answers. I started staring at the bar right off to the side of our seating area. I resisted the temptation to get myself a little mixed drink for my mom, not that I was one of those who get embarrassing when having a drink. But because I was still kinda in my early 20s, at that point hadn't had an alcoholic drink around my mom and I was worried doing that would be disappointing to her. Pretty sure though once I got home I had one of my fav. fruity Jack Daniels malt beverage.
This instance isn't exactly like the others cause I didn't have anyone actually telling me or acting like I was doing something wrong or being a bad influence, I did have that same feeling however like before. It may have been up to a year later, not sure on the time frame but I was still at the bartending job and still having a good time. Though the family was going through a heartbreaking time, myself included in losing our "rock", my mom's mother and my Grandma. Everyone gathered to our home town for the funeral and to spend a couple days mourning as a family. I drove my own car down and myself along with a lot of the younger generation, my cousins all gathered for the night at my cousin Hollie's house. We stopped at the local liquor store down there and got what we could of what looked good, me being the bartender we were looking to mix a few drinks to wind down. So as we do, some of us had a few drinks, and most of us stayed up way too late into the night talking and sharing stories. Our baby cousin who wasn't a baby anymore was with me for our drives since she had rode down with her parents. It's kinda funny how we really only see each other for family events and we both color our hair frequently and uniquely but many times when we see each other we have similar colors and styles going on. During our time there, the boss I had called to check up on me a few times and asked me what could he do to help me. I said he could help me catch up on a bill and he did and even though we hadn't gone on a date or even talked about it I told my cousin I was going to marry him. I worried though that the lifestyle I was leading would look appealing to her and she would follow in my footsteps or attempt to, I guess after hearing it so much I felt like I shouldn't be a person to look up to. Her parents and my mom had both told me that she did look up to me though, but now it's kind of like I look up to her. She did do a few things in her life that were close to my own attempts of certain accomplishments that I didn't complete for whatever reasons and she did it. I am very proud of that young lady and all she has done with her life.
Right now it seems like I am at a stand still in my life and I am still trying to figure out exactly where I could fit in and have a happy life. I have my babies though and I am living for them, I may not be a role model now but that doesn't mean that I won't be a good one for someone some day. That all the changes I have been through and difficulties won't some day prove to actually leading me to somewhere wonderful. Where I will hold my head high and not feel the need to apologize to anyone for any part of me.
The first time this happened that I remember I was 18 years old and a cashier at a new Wal Mart Grocery store in Moore, Oklahoma. In those days we didn't have to wear whole uniforms we all had a green vest to wear over our normal clothes. I was an early 2000s punk, I had twisted jelly bracelets up both arms, huge chunky platform boots and maroon colored hair with pink streaks running through it. I was happy with my looks which was a breakthrough in my life. A day came when a mother and her probably barely a teen daughter came through my line. They were talking about the changes this girl wanted in her own looks and she pointed at me and said, "HER!"" I want that hair, I want to dress different, and how do you do your bracelets like that?" The mother's mouth was hanging open and stuttering, I could tell she was mortified but didn't want to insult me to my face either. I found myself trying to talk myself down to this girl so her mother could be happy without saying it herself and causing any fighting with her daughter in the store. Though I did show her the bracelet trick that I found myself doing a tutorial for in that job with a lot of teens and young adults. The mother smiled as I told the girl how difficult it could be in life and looking for jobs with unnatural colored hair and thanked me as they left. The girl I could tell hadn't given up though and still wanted to do what she wanted and I silently wished her good luck in my mind. Another little me running around in high school in the future, just fine by me. Looks don't make the person.
Now, fast forward some years and I had finally got to mark learning to bartend off my bucket list. I learned a new more toned down look, for me anyway that my own mother and I both were okay with, I loved my job. Sure I was living in the Bible Belt and my bartending in a Gentlemen's Club is looked down upon by the majority here. But I was really respected at my job, I was making really good money and I had a fun roommate who also worked at the club and cool neighbors we hung out with a lot. I got treated like a little local celebrity cause everyone wants to buddy up with the bartender when they drink and I got visited by real local celebrities and a few bigger ones when they were in town. My mom and stepdad had been working for the same company for some years and he was retiring so there was a party thrown for him. I went to the retirement party at this restaurant and I was seated across from a really nice Christian woman who I had met a few times with my mom. This woman had taken in her nieces and nephews and was raising them and brought them with her to the party. She asked me what I was doing for a job and so I told her, it was obvious she became uneasy with the topic at hand. Her older teen nephews eyes lit up and he started asking me a ton of questions about how awesome it was to be a bartender and how could he get into that line of work when he was old enough and how that was his dream job. So here I was again, she was trying to talk him out of it and asking me leading questions to do the same. Like how the money isn't guaranteed, it's not really a safe environment to work, it's a smoky place with bad ventilation and drunks can be mean and crazy. I wanted to say no, it's good money and I don't do anything illegal or drink while working, the owner there is actually really strict and fires anyone who is caught doing something illegal and it's really fun and I love it. But I held all that in and told whatever negatives I could think of and I got another silent thank you mouthed to me from another "parent." Though after that conversation it just made me feel stressed, a little down and unsure of what I could say, like I was in a test without the answers. I started staring at the bar right off to the side of our seating area. I resisted the temptation to get myself a little mixed drink for my mom, not that I was one of those who get embarrassing when having a drink. But because I was still kinda in my early 20s, at that point hadn't had an alcoholic drink around my mom and I was worried doing that would be disappointing to her. Pretty sure though once I got home I had one of my fav. fruity Jack Daniels malt beverage.
This instance isn't exactly like the others cause I didn't have anyone actually telling me or acting like I was doing something wrong or being a bad influence, I did have that same feeling however like before. It may have been up to a year later, not sure on the time frame but I was still at the bartending job and still having a good time. Though the family was going through a heartbreaking time, myself included in losing our "rock", my mom's mother and my Grandma. Everyone gathered to our home town for the funeral and to spend a couple days mourning as a family. I drove my own car down and myself along with a lot of the younger generation, my cousins all gathered for the night at my cousin Hollie's house. We stopped at the local liquor store down there and got what we could of what looked good, me being the bartender we were looking to mix a few drinks to wind down. So as we do, some of us had a few drinks, and most of us stayed up way too late into the night talking and sharing stories. Our baby cousin who wasn't a baby anymore was with me for our drives since she had rode down with her parents. It's kinda funny how we really only see each other for family events and we both color our hair frequently and uniquely but many times when we see each other we have similar colors and styles going on. During our time there, the boss I had called to check up on me a few times and asked me what could he do to help me. I said he could help me catch up on a bill and he did and even though we hadn't gone on a date or even talked about it I told my cousin I was going to marry him. I worried though that the lifestyle I was leading would look appealing to her and she would follow in my footsteps or attempt to, I guess after hearing it so much I felt like I shouldn't be a person to look up to. Her parents and my mom had both told me that she did look up to me though, but now it's kind of like I look up to her. She did do a few things in her life that were close to my own attempts of certain accomplishments that I didn't complete for whatever reasons and she did it. I am very proud of that young lady and all she has done with her life.
Right now it seems like I am at a stand still in my life and I am still trying to figure out exactly where I could fit in and have a happy life. I have my babies though and I am living for them, I may not be a role model now but that doesn't mean that I won't be a good one for someone some day. That all the changes I have been through and difficulties won't some day prove to actually leading me to somewhere wonderful. Where I will hold my head high and not feel the need to apologize to anyone for any part of me.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Why I just love my friends
Everyone has their own quirks that make them unique in certain ways and other things that lump them into social circles. I have truly been blessed for the most part in the friend department. I am really bad at ending any relationships on my own so I am happy that those that don't deserve my friendship have pretty much weeded themselves out of my life. The friends I have now are amazing in so many ways, there is no way I could name them all. But here is what I look for in my friends and have found in them.
Honesty is my number one thing. Whenever I know someone has lied to me, even about little things I just don't want to be around them anymore. Like if you haven't left your house yet when we have plans then don't text me you are on your way. I am a very understanding person so there really is never a reason to lie to me. Even when I am mad about something I am the type who will listen to your side and try to talk it out.
Nonjudgmental is my number two! I had a "friend" who I hung out with for years but any time I did something that wasn't "her way" she would get pissed at me and act so childish. Refusing to answer my calls, texts, or facebook but then she would text me like page after page of chewing me out cause she didn't think I should have done something the way I did. She was always on my ass about something so to avoid hearing the same gripes about what I need to change about myself I felt I had to break my number one rule and lie a little to get her off my back. When she ended our friendship out of the blue I was really hurt for a while and even still I have teared up while reading her "dear john" email she sent me cause she couldn't even be bothered to tell me personally that she didn't want to see or hear from me again after hanging out for seven years. But once the hurt subsided I realized I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, her constantly watching my every move and questioning me on my finances even though it wasn't like she ever helped me with bills or anything I always believed that is not the place of a friend. A friend should be there for you and accept the totality of what makes you, you. Still it's a hard concept for too many people.
Next is having your own opinions! Of course when looking for a friend you want to have some things in common with the person, but that doesn't mean it has to be everything! I have met some people in the past that you can just tell they really, really want to be your friend for some reason. Whether they think you are so cool, nice, pretty, can help them out in some way, or just really lonely. I call those people "yes men" cause it doesn't matter what you are saying they are gonna agree with you. Most of your conversations go like me: blah blah blah Them: Really?! Me too!! and in your mind you are thinking there is no way this person has done and thought the same exact thing as me this many times. Why are they sucking up to me? I am not all that. But on the same note when my friends do have a different opinion from mine they can back up their reasons for why they think that way. Whether it be personal history, actual links to sites where they had read up on whatever, or maybe just something their family has taught them so it's just accepted that way. And they present themselves in a way that can be taken seriously but doesn't put down a person that doesn't believe the same way. I just love that!
Also, you gotta have an interesting personality! Something about you just has to pop! Are you really into movies, like me? That's my thing, I used to have an extensive movie collection and love certain actors and finding B movies that are awesome but didn't get the recognition it deserved and then having every friend who hangs out watch it with me. You could be into books, comics, history, tattoos, piercings, vintage and pin up stuff, weird and sick stuff online, or whatever.. I really am not picky as long as you are not a bore.
Finally, you have to be intelligent and compassionate. I have helped and fed the homeless I have met at gas stations or walmart. I have given away clothes and toys without expecting anything in return. I love animals and the dogs I have had were rescues. If you need someone to help with something and I can then I will, I won't say I am busy when I am not, I won't ignore phone calls or texts of someone asking if they can talk to me, and if I have money to loan then I won't give a second thought to handing it over to someone in need. For the intelligent part, all those stupid pass it on things on facebook, I actually google whatever it is first most times and make sure it's not fraud before I will pass anything on to my fb friends. Missing children and pets sure if it looks recent and legit. All those "warnings" like tell all women you know about this new thing people are doing to do whatever to them.. all and I mean ALL of those I have found to be nothing more than old urban legends that get passed around as a true story every couple of years. The owners of Facebook have come out numerous times saying that all those pics asking you to like or share so whoever will have money donated to them thru facebook is false! The owners have come out and said that they will never use fb to do donations for anyone. The people who start those are stealing pictures of others without permission and then asking you to like or share cause you can get paid by facebook if you have a public run site if you get so many likes and shares then different companies can pay you to advertise on your page. So there ya go!
Honesty is my number one thing. Whenever I know someone has lied to me, even about little things I just don't want to be around them anymore. Like if you haven't left your house yet when we have plans then don't text me you are on your way. I am a very understanding person so there really is never a reason to lie to me. Even when I am mad about something I am the type who will listen to your side and try to talk it out.
Nonjudgmental is my number two! I had a "friend" who I hung out with for years but any time I did something that wasn't "her way" she would get pissed at me and act so childish. Refusing to answer my calls, texts, or facebook but then she would text me like page after page of chewing me out cause she didn't think I should have done something the way I did. She was always on my ass about something so to avoid hearing the same gripes about what I need to change about myself I felt I had to break my number one rule and lie a little to get her off my back. When she ended our friendship out of the blue I was really hurt for a while and even still I have teared up while reading her "dear john" email she sent me cause she couldn't even be bothered to tell me personally that she didn't want to see or hear from me again after hanging out for seven years. But once the hurt subsided I realized I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, her constantly watching my every move and questioning me on my finances even though it wasn't like she ever helped me with bills or anything I always believed that is not the place of a friend. A friend should be there for you and accept the totality of what makes you, you. Still it's a hard concept for too many people.
Next is having your own opinions! Of course when looking for a friend you want to have some things in common with the person, but that doesn't mean it has to be everything! I have met some people in the past that you can just tell they really, really want to be your friend for some reason. Whether they think you are so cool, nice, pretty, can help them out in some way, or just really lonely. I call those people "yes men" cause it doesn't matter what you are saying they are gonna agree with you. Most of your conversations go like me: blah blah blah Them: Really?! Me too!! and in your mind you are thinking there is no way this person has done and thought the same exact thing as me this many times. Why are they sucking up to me? I am not all that. But on the same note when my friends do have a different opinion from mine they can back up their reasons for why they think that way. Whether it be personal history, actual links to sites where they had read up on whatever, or maybe just something their family has taught them so it's just accepted that way. And they present themselves in a way that can be taken seriously but doesn't put down a person that doesn't believe the same way. I just love that!
Also, you gotta have an interesting personality! Something about you just has to pop! Are you really into movies, like me? That's my thing, I used to have an extensive movie collection and love certain actors and finding B movies that are awesome but didn't get the recognition it deserved and then having every friend who hangs out watch it with me. You could be into books, comics, history, tattoos, piercings, vintage and pin up stuff, weird and sick stuff online, or whatever.. I really am not picky as long as you are not a bore.
Finally, you have to be intelligent and compassionate. I have helped and fed the homeless I have met at gas stations or walmart. I have given away clothes and toys without expecting anything in return. I love animals and the dogs I have had were rescues. If you need someone to help with something and I can then I will, I won't say I am busy when I am not, I won't ignore phone calls or texts of someone asking if they can talk to me, and if I have money to loan then I won't give a second thought to handing it over to someone in need. For the intelligent part, all those stupid pass it on things on facebook, I actually google whatever it is first most times and make sure it's not fraud before I will pass anything on to my fb friends. Missing children and pets sure if it looks recent and legit. All those "warnings" like tell all women you know about this new thing people are doing to do whatever to them.. all and I mean ALL of those I have found to be nothing more than old urban legends that get passed around as a true story every couple of years. The owners of Facebook have come out numerous times saying that all those pics asking you to like or share so whoever will have money donated to them thru facebook is false! The owners have come out and said that they will never use fb to do donations for anyone. The people who start those are stealing pictures of others without permission and then asking you to like or share cause you can get paid by facebook if you have a public run site if you get so many likes and shares then different companies can pay you to advertise on your page. So there ya go!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
You Know You Are A Parent of A Toddler When..
* Hearing your ABC's and counting gets you excited.
* You have learned not to just hold out your hand when you are asked to hold something but ask more than once, What is it? and Why do I need to hold it?
* You know more about Nick Jr. cartoons than what is going on in the real world.
* When shopping for a movie you go straight to the cartoon area first.
* Your snacks are now in shapes and colors.
* Your guest blanket is SpongeBob or Dora.
* You collect the Pixar cartoons just so when the kids want to watch a movie together there is something you can both enjoy. (Thank you Pixar for all your hidden adult jokes!)
* You have more sippy cups than regular ones.
* You have learned to block out annoying noises and may not even realize you are doing it.
* You have an area in your home with boxes full of clothes labeled, last year or next year with seasons.
* You have kids songs mixed in on your playlists.
* You have fruit flavored tooth paste in your cabinet.
* You have had a guest sleep on a toddler bed or bed that is only a couple inches from the floor.
* It now takes twice as long to get ready to go anywhere public and as you grab things you will need to bring with you, you occasionally throw a toy in there.
* When doing laundry you also check to see if any stuffed animals need a bath.
* Your vacuum cleaner contains more crumbs that dirt or hair.
* You clean your home by picking which room is the messiest first and by the time you are done cleaning you need to start all over.
* Only you know which baskets or piles of clothes are clean or dirty.
* Your kids are better dressed than you are.
* You leave your bathroom door open when showering or going potty. (You now also call it "going potty.")
* You will wait until you really need to bathe before hopping into a quick shower.
* You judge your time getting ready with does it need to be spent cleaning your self or make up today?
* You use the kids meal times to return phone calls or emails so there will be less disruptions.
* Your living room has a toy box or play area in it.
* You mute or spell your own cuss words.
* You keep your nails trimmed down to a length that can't harm people.
* You have gone a period of time without noticing a stain on your clothes, food on you, or even poop!
* You have asked multiple times, "Where did your pants go?!?"
* Two words, BABY WIPES!
* Before putting a dvd in the player you check it for finger prints, scratches and sticky spots.
* Your electronics life expectancies have gone down by half.
And
* You consider it a WIN for the day when you can go to bed early!
* You have learned not to just hold out your hand when you are asked to hold something but ask more than once, What is it? and Why do I need to hold it?
* You know more about Nick Jr. cartoons than what is going on in the real world.
* When shopping for a movie you go straight to the cartoon area first.
* Your snacks are now in shapes and colors.
* Your guest blanket is SpongeBob or Dora.
* You collect the Pixar cartoons just so when the kids want to watch a movie together there is something you can both enjoy. (Thank you Pixar for all your hidden adult jokes!)
* You have more sippy cups than regular ones.
* You have learned to block out annoying noises and may not even realize you are doing it.
* You have an area in your home with boxes full of clothes labeled, last year or next year with seasons.
* You have kids songs mixed in on your playlists.
* You have fruit flavored tooth paste in your cabinet.
* You have had a guest sleep on a toddler bed or bed that is only a couple inches from the floor.
* It now takes twice as long to get ready to go anywhere public and as you grab things you will need to bring with you, you occasionally throw a toy in there.
* When doing laundry you also check to see if any stuffed animals need a bath.
* Your vacuum cleaner contains more crumbs that dirt or hair.
* You clean your home by picking which room is the messiest first and by the time you are done cleaning you need to start all over.
* Only you know which baskets or piles of clothes are clean or dirty.
* Your kids are better dressed than you are.
* You leave your bathroom door open when showering or going potty. (You now also call it "going potty.")
* You will wait until you really need to bathe before hopping into a quick shower.
* You judge your time getting ready with does it need to be spent cleaning your self or make up today?
* You use the kids meal times to return phone calls or emails so there will be less disruptions.
* Your living room has a toy box or play area in it.
* You mute or spell your own cuss words.
* You keep your nails trimmed down to a length that can't harm people.
* You have gone a period of time without noticing a stain on your clothes, food on you, or even poop!
* You have asked multiple times, "Where did your pants go?!?"
* Two words, BABY WIPES!
* Before putting a dvd in the player you check it for finger prints, scratches and sticky spots.
* Your electronics life expectancies have gone down by half.
And
* You consider it a WIN for the day when you can go to bed early!
Thursday, December 12, 2013
The Shades of Grey in Parenting.
There are so many "shades of grey" when you are a parent, especially if you have children that are the opposite sex of which you grew up watching your own parents raise. No one can fully prepare you for what you face when raising little people. Besides all the normal stuff of just keeping them alive and healthy there are always little things that just happen, and you have to guess what the right course of action is and you will most likely not have any extra time to post, text, or call anyone and ask their opinions on what they think you should do. My kids father and I had several things we didn't agree on when it came to raising our own, there were also things we agreed on fully. We decided we hated it when people "baby talk" babies. It really doesn't do anything for the child either. We agreed also that we were not going to over censor what they watched on tv. As in we didn't gauge our movies by the rating but more in how our son reacted to the movie or our own issues with a kid watching it. They can watch scary movies as long as it doesn't scare them, they can watch the "super hero, comic type" movies that are rated for over 13 yr olds as long as they don't repeat any adult language and they get grounded from them if they are caught doing the fighting moves with anyone else. They also have their own collection of Nick Jr. dvds, Elmo, and all the other little kiddie stuff too, which is what they mostly watch now and just on occasion watch the others.
Besides movies you have to decide mostly by your child's age on how much you tell them when they ask those normal questions all children will ask at some point. What route do you take? How graphic or fairy tale are your answers? I decided to just go with the truth, my almost 6 year old asks a question and I give him the best and shortest answer that comes to mind. The thing though is that he remembers everything! He couldn't hear right for the first 3 1/2 years of his life so about half of his short life. With what his Dr. said he was hearing like he was under water so his speaking didn't sound like english words but half words and half babble speak. Besides his dad and I, my mom could understand the most of what he was trying to say. I was never one of those parents though that pretend they always knew what their child was saying to them when not actually using words, another thing that bugs me. haha
So anyway, the other day we walked to our little corner store and the man behind us in line was holding a case of beer. I personally have only had two drinks of alcohol at home since he has been born and both times was when he was asleep so he really has no concept of alcohol. He asks the man behind us what he was holding and the man told him beer. He instantly replies, "Ohh that means you are going to get drunk!" I gave my little embarrassed laugh and the guy asks me after he stops laughing himself, "Where did he hear that?" I told him, well, he asks me a lot of questions and I always tell him the truth. And he remembers E-V-E-R-Y-thing! So on our way home I reminded my boy that even though Mommy always tell you the truth about everything that you ask it doesn't mean that you should repeat those things to others. A lot of people don't tell their kids these things and think that kids really shouldn't know that stuff yet. But he's my son and I just love everything about his little smart self so I am not holding my breath on what he says to family or strangers next.
Besides movies you have to decide mostly by your child's age on how much you tell them when they ask those normal questions all children will ask at some point. What route do you take? How graphic or fairy tale are your answers? I decided to just go with the truth, my almost 6 year old asks a question and I give him the best and shortest answer that comes to mind. The thing though is that he remembers everything! He couldn't hear right for the first 3 1/2 years of his life so about half of his short life. With what his Dr. said he was hearing like he was under water so his speaking didn't sound like english words but half words and half babble speak. Besides his dad and I, my mom could understand the most of what he was trying to say. I was never one of those parents though that pretend they always knew what their child was saying to them when not actually using words, another thing that bugs me. haha
So anyway, the other day we walked to our little corner store and the man behind us in line was holding a case of beer. I personally have only had two drinks of alcohol at home since he has been born and both times was when he was asleep so he really has no concept of alcohol. He asks the man behind us what he was holding and the man told him beer. He instantly replies, "Ohh that means you are going to get drunk!" I gave my little embarrassed laugh and the guy asks me after he stops laughing himself, "Where did he hear that?" I told him, well, he asks me a lot of questions and I always tell him the truth. And he remembers E-V-E-R-Y-thing! So on our way home I reminded my boy that even though Mommy always tell you the truth about everything that you ask it doesn't mean that you should repeat those things to others. A lot of people don't tell their kids these things and think that kids really shouldn't know that stuff yet. But he's my son and I just love everything about his little smart self so I am not holding my breath on what he says to family or strangers next.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
10 Things we aren't supposed to notice in movies but I always do..
1. Food disappearing/reappearing from shot to shot.
2. Dinner scenes of multiple people not eating anything from full plates.
3. All windows being rolled down in car scenes even when it's supposed to be freezing outside.
4. Wardrobes not being weather appropriate. "Where is your coat, numbnuts?"
5. Smokers whose cigarettes mysteriously grow longer.
6. Disheveled after sex scene clothing and hair magically fixed.
7. Along those same lines, dirty, messy, or soaking wet actors also getting clean or dry as soon as camera pans away and then back to them.
8. Movies with "magic" scenes that show strings or other movie magic fails.
9. Time lapse fails that are obvious, example: In "Scot Pilgrim Vs. the World" when the girl has blue dyed hair and it goes from dark blue to really faded blue to dark blue again.
10. Scenes with supposed to be hard props, like ice/icicles, knives, swords and you see it bend like rubber or waves with a breeze or a small amount of weight. lol
2. Dinner scenes of multiple people not eating anything from full plates.
3. All windows being rolled down in car scenes even when it's supposed to be freezing outside.
4. Wardrobes not being weather appropriate. "Where is your coat, numbnuts?"
5. Smokers whose cigarettes mysteriously grow longer.
6. Disheveled after sex scene clothing and hair magically fixed.
7. Along those same lines, dirty, messy, or soaking wet actors also getting clean or dry as soon as camera pans away and then back to them.
8. Movies with "magic" scenes that show strings or other movie magic fails.
9. Time lapse fails that are obvious, example: In "Scot Pilgrim Vs. the World" when the girl has blue dyed hair and it goes from dark blue to really faded blue to dark blue again.
10. Scenes with supposed to be hard props, like ice/icicles, knives, swords and you see it bend like rubber or waves with a breeze or a small amount of weight. lol
Bar drinking Tips from your friendly Bartender!
1. Normal amount of liquor in OKC strip clubs that have the attractive dancers are around 1 oz. In regular OK bars it averages around 1 1/2 oz and the average for everywhere else is around 2 oz.
2. Alcohol dehydrates you, so yes, while water is important to put back into your body if you do it while drunk or hungover you are rehydrating the alcohol still in your system, so making it more likely to get the spins and puking.
3. A cold soda will actually help make your head feel less intoxicated than coffee or water. The carbonation gets you burping out the alcohol and really will make your head feel more clear.
4. No matter what you drink or eat when being drunk nothing but time actually makes you sober.
5. If you chill your liquor by shaking with ice, your cup will need a little more room than before to go back into your glass.
6. You can freeze fruits like grapes, strawberries, and orange pieces to use as ice to keep your drinks cold and not get watered down.
7. Tipping per round instead of waiting at the end, especially when paying with cash is a good way to ensure you are checked on more frequently by your server which is a helpful hint when at a crowded bar.
8. It is not only against most club rules but is also illegal to take photos inside a strip club, even if you are just trying to take pictures of your buddies. You need to remember and be respectful that not all or probably even half of dancers tell their friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, or family members that stripping is how they pay their bills. Most will tell others they are waitresses or bartenders.
9. Strippers are not made to wear "pasties" to just "cover" their nipples. This is enforced legally in most areas because women's nipples can excrete a clear fluid so the pores must be sealed to keep any "passing of bodily fluids" between patrons and dancers, which is illegal. Just like a dancer can get a prostitution charge in Oklahoma for removing their shoes when on their shift.
10. Finally, bartenders, especially ones without a free pour system are taught to crush and cram ice into the glasses so when they pour liquor first it is the part that has less room in the cup thereby filling the cup more and using less juices or soda as the filler. It's not done to be mean or to try to gyp the customer out of a full drink. It also explains why a lot of times your alcohol will all be sitting in the bottom of your glass. Just like a bartender who cuts off someone who is noticeably drunk they could be held accountable if that person goes out and gets into a wreck drunk driving and be fined a very hefty amount like up to $500 dollars in the places I worked and could also lose their liquor license which would cost them their lively hood, not just trying to damper your good time.
Remembering whatever tips fits for your drinking style may just help you have a better time out next time you go out drinking. Have fun just don't forget the people waiting on you are at work, so treat them as you would like to be treated while at your place of business. ;)
2. Alcohol dehydrates you, so yes, while water is important to put back into your body if you do it while drunk or hungover you are rehydrating the alcohol still in your system, so making it more likely to get the spins and puking.
3. A cold soda will actually help make your head feel less intoxicated than coffee or water. The carbonation gets you burping out the alcohol and really will make your head feel more clear.
4. No matter what you drink or eat when being drunk nothing but time actually makes you sober.
5. If you chill your liquor by shaking with ice, your cup will need a little more room than before to go back into your glass.
6. You can freeze fruits like grapes, strawberries, and orange pieces to use as ice to keep your drinks cold and not get watered down.
7. Tipping per round instead of waiting at the end, especially when paying with cash is a good way to ensure you are checked on more frequently by your server which is a helpful hint when at a crowded bar.
8. It is not only against most club rules but is also illegal to take photos inside a strip club, even if you are just trying to take pictures of your buddies. You need to remember and be respectful that not all or probably even half of dancers tell their friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, or family members that stripping is how they pay their bills. Most will tell others they are waitresses or bartenders.
9. Strippers are not made to wear "pasties" to just "cover" their nipples. This is enforced legally in most areas because women's nipples can excrete a clear fluid so the pores must be sealed to keep any "passing of bodily fluids" between patrons and dancers, which is illegal. Just like a dancer can get a prostitution charge in Oklahoma for removing their shoes when on their shift.
10. Finally, bartenders, especially ones without a free pour system are taught to crush and cram ice into the glasses so when they pour liquor first it is the part that has less room in the cup thereby filling the cup more and using less juices or soda as the filler. It's not done to be mean or to try to gyp the customer out of a full drink. It also explains why a lot of times your alcohol will all be sitting in the bottom of your glass. Just like a bartender who cuts off someone who is noticeably drunk they could be held accountable if that person goes out and gets into a wreck drunk driving and be fined a very hefty amount like up to $500 dollars in the places I worked and could also lose their liquor license which would cost them their lively hood, not just trying to damper your good time.
Remembering whatever tips fits for your drinking style may just help you have a better time out next time you go out drinking. Have fun just don't forget the people waiting on you are at work, so treat them as you would like to be treated while at your place of business. ;)
So Merry Fat Santa isn't real but...
Okay
so the Merry Fat Man known as Santa Claus was invented by Coca Cola in
the early 1930s. But to say that means that the man behind it is
imaginary and never existed is false! With knowing the true story you
can still celebrate his spirit that lives on which is what we did after
being too old to believe in Santa Claus. St. Nicholas was a 4th Century
Greek Christian Bishop. He was known for giving
gifts to the poor, most importantly saving 3 poor girls from going on
to having to sell themselves as adults. Traditionally this started in
the Netherlands, Belgium, Austria and Germany. The actual day was
originally celebrated on the 6th of December which was the day he was
given his name. The date was later changed to Dec. 24-25th because
Christians wanted to move children away from Saints and towards Christ.
In Germany when my mom was a girl they placed their shoes outside their
door on Christmas Eve to have them filled with candy rather than the
stockings on the fireplace. The Santa Claus of today was taken from
several places and put together as one. Odin of the Norse religion is
the real Father Christmas, wearing a long white beard, who rode thru the
sky with his eight footed steed during Yule visiting his people with
gifts. I learned the second part many years later in adulthood but as
children when we got to old to believe in this magical Santa who
mysteriously got into our homes to deliver gifts when we were good we
were explained about St. Nicholas and how we can still celebrate the
spirit of giving that he had for his people. It personally for me helped
take away the sting of knowing the man we see on tv flying thru the sky
was not real. We even made Jesus a birthday cake on some Christmas Eve
which we enjoyed too. Spending that time with our mom and what kid
wouldn't like birthday cake for Christmas?! ha.. If you took the time to
read and possibly learn something new, thank you. Knowing your history
can really help in knowing why we do the things we do and remind
ourselves of the spirit of Christmas.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Intro into Jenn's world
I am starting this blog to have a place like my FaceBook used to be before it got so popular that everyone's mom, aunt, uncle, grandma and kids are on there and watching every single thing you say, post, comment and like on others pages and your own. It was my personal place to share my quips about my life, share my dark and sometimes gross humor and talk very openly and honestly about my life and opinions. I never set out to offend anyone and some think you shouldn't tell so much of your personal life to anyone who reads your stuff, I do keep my page on there friends only and I don't care if people I barely know don't share my views. I actually chose my friends based on an ability to not be a yes, friend.. have their own opinions and we can actually share our differences without fighting over stupid things that don't really matter at the end of the day. I am an almost 31 year old mother of two amazing little boys and in the middle of a messy divorce, trying to separate myself and children from a detrimental relationship without losing a wonderful mother-in-law. Honestly I had met the love of my life too young and though we had four wonderful years together and an additional years time that it took to finally give it up from both sides we didn't want the same end result for our lives and it tore us apart. I wanted the whole marriage and 2 kids, a boy and a girl, in that order and a home with a backyard in a decent neighborhood, he didn't. So still mourning that loss I met a man who was also about to give up on the same dream. We met at a bar where I had established myself well and he was a new manager that the owner, who owns three bars plus another industrial ice machine company introduced me to him as his number one bartender. It may not sound like an accomplishment to some but I did work very hard for that title and was proud of it. The owner wasn't a mean guy but he wasn't the easiest guy to work for in that business either, he is a very paranoid person thinking people are always out to steal from him, so anytime that did happen he knew as fast as when they did it. He had infrared cameras and microphones wired throughout all of his businesses that he could access any one of them at any time from his phone and a surveillance room he spent a lot of time in. So besides the rumors and others telling him when his number one bartender and newly number one manager who got his club going again in full swing with old and new customers flocking to us nightly and an A squad of dancer performers who really worked hard to put on amazing shows nightly had started dating he knew. We knew we had broken his number one rule, at the time though I knew it would be a little hypocritical of him to fire us over it since I had just trained his new girlfriend to be a bartender in the same club. We decided to just come out to him and tell him the truth and see where it took us. He said as long as it didn't get out to the other workers he would let us continue to work for him, but if they found out he would have to take action cause it could turn to chaos of people not respecting his rules. His own girlfriend was quite the gossip queen though and told a lot of the people who have worked there for a long time. The owner decided to transfer my boyfriend, newly fiance to another club to see if he could get the rumors to die down, thinking if we were not in the same spot certain ones claiming favoritism would shut up. But the dancers were also free to work at any of the three clubs on any night that wasn't their scheduled shift at their home club. So it was going around like wildfire how the owner was allowing a manager and bartender who are engaged now to work at his clubs at the same time. He had his second in command give us an ultimatum, one could stay working and the other had to put in their resignation. We figured since I worked mainly off of tips and he got a salary that I would be the one to quit so I put in my two weeks notice. We were surprised they honored the two weeks and I worked up until that date, that was in May and our wedding date was coming up in August. We also decided at that point that we didn't want to wait for children either but since others in his family took a while to get pregnant that we may as well let whatever happen happen. I was pregnant within the first month so about 4 months along during our wedding. That whole night was a blur so I am very thankful for pictures. I chose a long time ago to take anything negative as a learning experience. In past relationships, after they were over I always seemed to only remember the positive memories which made it that much harder to let go completely after it was over. Besides an amazing honeymoon spent in San Francisco and the birth and lives of our two boys all I remember of the four years with him is horror. I know I will write more and more on that in future posts but for a woman that likes to live in my own routines, be close to all of my family and friends a little bit feminist be with a controlling man it was pure hell. I made the mistake of signing on to spend a life with a man that hid who he really was until the deed was done and he thought the paper and children meant he could own us. He lied to everyone about everything, even things that wouldn't have mattered. I had told him before we even started dating to never come between my best friend and I cause that is a battle he would lose, this also went for my family. I didn't think that would mean he would only allow her to be the only one I could see and have over at our home. Anytime I was out though I had to bring at least one of the babies with me and he would text or call me every ten minutes until I walked back in the door and if I took too long to respond or didn't respond it would be a huge fight and accusations from him. If I questioned him about anything, even a simple why for a simple explanation it was met with being cussed out and threatened with physical abuse. He was from Louisiana though we lived and boys were all born in Oklahoma where I am from. He got really bad about keeping or finding work and finally after our second was born he told me that when he escaped the hurricane that he had been on probation and when he lost contact with his probation officer he just decided not to check in anymore. Hiding from a warrant was one reason he avoided even trying to go for certain jobs besides having a previous felony on his record from when he was 19 years old and beat a man almost to death over a girlfriend. I now understand how a woman who is a decent person and attentive mother can have a "baby's daddy in prison." I don't understand the ones who stick by them and continue to have babies with them though. He DID suffer from anxiety so at first I was behind his decision to seek help from our Dr. and get on anti-anxiety meds, I thought it might help him in going to work too. Another wrong turn though, turned out he had no off switch when it came to pills. If he decided he couldn't "feel" the pill in his system he would just take more and more, he would take a whole month's supply within a couple of days and then money his mom would send to help with the boys and bills would go to whoever was out there selling off their supply. When people like my mom bought us expensive gifts for the boys that couldn't be exchanged for money like a nice double stroller I never got to use he would take that back to the store to get the boys the things they needed like wipes and diapers. For Holidays and birthdays he would ask for electronics as gifts just so he could pawn them off for the cash to spend on pills. He then started stealing, he went thru the jewelry boxes I was given of my Granny's after her death and pawned off anything that was real. Any electronics in our home disappeared, I couldn't sleep in my wedding set and one morning when I woke up it too was gone. He told me I had misplaced it and even helped me search for it knowing it wouldn't be found. So of course the next thing that happened was an eviction from our apartment, I was working full time managing a gentlemen's club but of course with economy and all of us trying to survive and his addiction no matter what I made, it wasn't enough. I had to find a home for our newly rescued bull mastiff who was the most perfect family dog I had ever seen. His mom paid for two weeks at one of those pay by the week hotels and all of our stuff went into a storage. My mom was so disappointed in both of us, him for failing and not even trying to support his own family and me for staying with him and not confiding in anyone what I was dealing with on my own. He had also got into my mom's jewelry box one day when we had a family swimming get together and robbed her of a lot of jewelry, some that my grandma had and was even wearing at her death, others that my stepdad had designed for her and had jewelers make from scratch. I didn't know any of that and though she didn't know for months she had a suspicion. She found out that February by going to a couple pawn shops around where we were living and found 3 of her personalized rings on display, the person working the counter said he couldn't tell her the name on the receipt but if she said who she thought it was he would nod, and there was a nod. They couldn't give her jewelry back that they had though unless she called the cops and pressed charges, she decided she didn't want to be the reason her grandchildren's father was taken away and paid over $400 dollars to get back the three rings in the display box. She offered me a deal though, if I were to choose to separate from him she would help me and the boys get into an apartment of our own, as long as I didn't lie to her and he didn't stay there. Everything seemed to pile up all at once, I was confused and hurt and scared to death by everything he had done and said to me. But I decided that for my boys who had to have a home to take the offer and go into an apartment on our own. Not much changed though, he still didn't work, I had found him a place to stay with a friend who had a spare room. I was still giving him money daily for gas, cigarettes and what I knew he spent it on. Again I believed he was trying to better himself when he went to DHS and a state sponsored assistance place that got him a psychiatrist who put him on new and different medication, a state paid apartment and to a company that started him with a few pieces of furniture. He didn't have much there so even though I would bring the boys to see him at his own place, times when he watched our oldest when I was at work (he wouldn't watch both boys for long periods of time so our younger son had to go to a sitter while I worked) he would still steal from me on occasion. Most of the time it wasn't stuff I would have noticed right away, my ipod, more jewelry I had put up, he was greedy though and nothing was ever enough so he did give himself away. He texted me one day asking me where the charger to my camera was, my mom had even bought me a pink camera for my birthday thinking he wouldn't want to go in and pawn a pink camera and that it would give him away to the shops he was frequenting also. It didn't even slow him down but at least I learned that pawn shops didn't take that stuff without the chargers that come with them. He had also pawned off this small flat screen tv his aunt had bought him for his new apartment and the movies I gave him that were his, then one day he stole over 150 of my own personal collection of dvds and when I got home from work and saw a shelf and a half missing on my bookcase he tried to convince me it had only been about 25 movies that he "knew I didn't watch anyway." He had to leave his truck at my apartments and take my car home and back later that week and that night I went thru the truck knowing that is where he liked to hide stuff. I found pawn receipts for 50 movies here, 175 there and for jewelry and a bag full of jewelry that most of them were mine with a few pieces belonging to people I never found out when I asked around so who knows. Then one evening I had told him in a text that the boys and I were going to bed a little after 9 pm, he got high on whatever pills he had sometime after that last conversation. He started blowing up my phone with texts and calls back to back so I turned off my phone and around 1:30am he decided something must be wrong with us (smh) and got in my car and sped this way, we were living at least a 30 minute highway drive away from each other. He got all the way to the stop light right before my street and a cop saw him speeding and running a red light (divine intervention if there ever was one.) He was pulled over and the cop saw he had warrants in Louisiana and he was arrested, the officer was nice enough though to drive to my apartment, wake me up and let me know that my car was parked in the gas station there on that corner and I could go in the morning to get my keys from the jail. That was in the end of May in 2011 and even though he has tried in different ways since then that was end of his reign of terror. Future blog posts shouldn't be as long but now ya know.
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